Can't Live A Lie
by realwhiteplum
Summary: Santana Lopez was trying to grow up in this world a little too quickly, she had no other choice. She wasn't who she wanted to be until she came across a certain blonde beauty. And she had to accept a whole different life from what she's used to. Brittana
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

I've always been the type of person to constantly have up this guard, this wall if you want to call it. In my head it was about 7 feet tall and 30 feet wide, absolutely impossible to break or climb over. You had to be pretty damn determined to make it over to the other side. Very rarely anyone got into the area I call my own; there are numerous of reasons for it. But every time I let someone over my barrier it always turned out terrible for me.

I describe myself as turtle, go ahead laugh if you will but it's true. I give off this impression of being a hard shell, cold-blooded creature but when on the inside I am the complete opposite. Extremely seldom does anyone see that side of Santana Lopez.

I had to grow up fast as a child; I had to mature faster than any of my friends, I had to take care of myself and my younger brother without any guidance and I had to teach things to myself that your parents should have taught you. So needless to say I established this adult persona about me at a very young age.

When I was just starting to understand what the Earth was all about and what it means to live that is when everything went downhill for me. My parents Maria and Antonio were married for 26 years; they were high school sweet hearts so to speak. Once I was born my father didn't do anything to help out my mother. When I say he didn't do anything, I mean he did _nothing_. My mom was the one to cater to me, change my dippers, bathe me, feed me, wake up in the middle of the night to help me with nightmares or any other problems I had, she also provided me with anything else I needed as a child. While my ignorant father sat his ass on the couch watching sports and drinking a beer probably high as the highest kite can fly in the sky.

5 years later nothing changed, he was still the same possibly worse than before. My mom had enough of his unemployed attitude and his drinking problem. She warned him plenty of times, she told him to get his act together because they were expecting another child. Then my brother came into the world, he was the best thing to ever happen to me. My brother was named Carlos because it means "being a man" something my father never was. My father wasn't even there for the birth of my baby brother. He denied him and he was certain that my mother was sleeping with her co-worker and his best friend David. My father was a prick that way. _How can someone as sweet and generous as my mother go behind my father's back after 26 years of marriage and sleep with his best friend? _Something was clearly wrong with him. So once Carlos came home from the hospital my dad didn't even open his mouth, he packed up his belongings and left. And he never came back. It has been the 3 of us ever since then.

I just started kindergarten and I absolutely hated every aspect of it; hated trying to socialize with other kids, hated being on a strict schedule and learning about stupid things. I remember once my father left that is when that wall went up, higher than ever before. The only person I ever let in was my baby brother Carlos.

One day my mom dressed me in this beautiful new purple dress she just bought me, she did my hair in a half up and half down style I thought I looked really cute. It was time for recess and this annoying kid Markus was really getting on my nerves. I was playing by myself in the sand box, as per usual. At first he kept flicking sand at me with his yellow shovel and I asked him to stop, he obviously didn't so I told our teacher. He didn't like that too much; he got in trouble and got sent to stand with his nose facing the wall for 5 minutes. When Markus's punishment was over he came over to me and poured a bucket of sand on my head and he ripped my new dress. This is when I went all Lima Heights on this kid. (I didn't determine the name until later on). He was wearing cargo shorts and a Hawaiian tee-shirt with socks and sandals; _can you say nerd alert?_ But anyways, I grabbed onto his shorts and pulled them down to his ankles along with his underwear, which turned out to be tighty whities. I also took his shirt and pulled it over his head. Kinda like hockey players do when they fight each other on the ice, I learned it from watching hockey with my father. Then I kicked him in the back and he landed face first in the sand box. Then I ran inside the school. I didn't want to deal with anyone, just wanted to be by myself. I reminded myself of my ignorant father, which wasn't the best feeling in the world.

My teacher eventually found me in the corner of the classroom curled up crying. She didn't punish me, which was surprising. Miss Moore told me that my mother told her about my at home situation and that is why I was acting out. I really didn't care that she knew I was just scared that she was going to give me some sort of special treatment. I didn't need that; I needed to be treated like a normal 5 year old girl at this school and in this society. From that point on none of the students really bothered with me. I guess from that event with Markus I was a little intimidating. I enjoyed it, being left alone, having my own time, no one to depend on but myself. I was really young to be thinking like this, but can't blame me when my parents split up because my father was the biggest douche bag ever. I couldn't trust anyone but myself.

I went on the rest of my elementary school years being labelled as the "bitch" Burchmount Public School. I had all the students respect, and even teachers. No one wanted to mess with Santana Lopez. When I walked down the halls the students parted to either side. It gave me this incredible feeling inside. It felt like I meant something in this world even if I had to be an absolute bitch and treat people like shit I would do it. Like I would never be a Lima Loser like my father, which was my only goal in life.

I finished public school with barely passing grades because I really didn't give a fuck about them. All I wanted to do was be respected and that took a lot of work out of me.


	2. Chapter 2

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Since so many of you have favourited this story and such I decided to give y'all another chapter for the weekend, next update will be early next week sometime. Thank you for all of the alerts and reviews already! Just a reminder that I'm doing this for fun and I'm not a writer. Hope you guys enjoy it, reviews are always welcome :)**

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_Chapter 2 _

It was summer before grade nine and all I did was look after my brother while my mom had to work 2 different jobs to keep us in the house that I've been in my whole life. I was too young to get a job, so I tried to help her in the only way I could, and that was taking Carlos off her hands. I didn't have many friends so it wasn't much of a hassle for me, plus I loved my little brother. He and I went on daily adventures to the park, hiked through the woods and went to the local corner store to buy Popsicles. Carlos had the signature Lopez look; dark hair, dark chocolate eyes, and bronze tanned skin. He was only around 10 years old and he did everything, he played all different sports in school and had all the girls.

I was proud of him that's for sure. I'm sure my father would be too if he were still around. Carlos never asked about our father, even though I knew he wanted to. I felt sorry for the kid; he will never have a father figure in his life all because Antonio was an ignorant dick. No one to coach his games, or take him to the comic book store, I had to step up and take on those roles. Which I didn't mind, because Carlos was everything to me even though he did look like my father I didn't care, I'd do anything for him.

Something was different when we got home from the park. I wasn't too sure what it was, something just _felt_ different. The air was thin but heavy and I could sense something was wrong. I was old enough to know when something wasn't the same as I'm used to. It was a Wednesday afternoon when Carlos and I walked through the front door of our house, it was already open. I usually I lock it when we went out, but I guess I forgot this time. There was either some intruder in our home or my mother was home early on this day.

We walked into the kitchen where we can see the light on; we peaked out hands in to see our mother sitting on the floor bawling her eyes out. She was home from work already that seemed strange to me. Carlos and I just rushed to her side with no words spoken we embraced her with everything we had; we didn't like seeing our mother cry. She returned the gesture and said that she was okay. Carlos believed her so I excused him so he can go play in his room with his action figures. I saw right though her, she was kinda transparent that way actually. I can tell she's been lonely for years without my father; she hasn't had time to look for anyone else. So I waited with my arms wrapped around her, I wanted her to know I was there for her when she was ready to talk. This was hard for me to just sit and wait for her to come around, usually I would run out of patience by now but she needed someone there for her. I guess it was me that had to volunteer my time. She eventually calmed her breathing and just took it easy.

My mother is the strongest women I know to this day. She has been through so much in her life; it was unfair to a certain degree. But then I remember what she said to me that day I came home from kindergarten, she said 'you were put in the life you are living because you are strong enough to live it'. Ever since then I knew she will always be my inspiration and hero.

In time she spoke up, she only said a few words.

They were muffled under her breath masked with emotion and rawness. "I lost my job," was all she said.

In the time I registered what she said, she was already crying again. I just tightened my grip on her and from that point I knew something had to change.

I reassured my mother by saying "everything will be okay," trying to keep my voice steady and convincing.

I silently cried along with her while the wheels in my head were turning faster than ever before.

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I was sitting on my bed with a pen in hand and a pad of paper on my lap with my ear phones in my ears, whereas my music is blasting through the thin white wires to the ears buds.

My room has always been my sanctuary. Every time I'm uneasy I come up here, put my iPod in my ears and let the music take me away to another world. It drowns out all of my problems for a while and lets me escape the moments in my life that I can't control. For instance now, my mother is in trouble financially and I need to help her for the sake of keeping the house and for Carlos.

I wrote down some suggestions on how to make money as a 14 and a half year old girl. I only came up with 3 ideas, they were; 1) babysitter 2) lawn mower and 3) dog walker. That seemed pretty feasible for me. But the problem was I didn't have any experience in either job description. I only had a younger brother that can count as babysitting and I was pretty good at taking care of Carlos and we always had tons of fun together.

So from that point on, I went downstairs on the family computer and generated posters of a wanted babysitter. I put down a little description about me and my experience, our home number and my name. I was hoping something good would come out of this. I printed out 5 pages. I told Carlos I was going out for a little while and mom is in the living room if he needed anything.

I went out to the corner store and put up the poster, went to the grocery store; put it up on street poles, and the neighbourhood mail box also in the post office down the street. Here is hoping someone is looking for a babysitter ASAP. I couldn't do anything until I heard something from someone. So I ventured my way home and just waited.

I waited for what feels like forever for a response to my posters. It was at least a week and a few days until I got a call from an individual wanting a babysitter. Times in my house were getting tenser. I can tell my mother is getting really frustrated with no fluid income; she and I are getting in small arguments over nothing. But I knew it wasn't her talking, it was her being on edge about everything else and taking it out on me. So I hoped.

They told me where they lived and wanted me to come by for an interview to see if they like me. So luckily it was a weekend and my mom was home to look after Carlos.

I left and made my way down to the individual's residence a few blocks over from my home. I rang the doorbell and a tall balding brown haired man came to the door with his hand extended for me to take. He was all smiles and seemed really nice. I introduced myself and he did the same.

The man's name was Brain, Brian Pierce. He led me into his home, it smelled nice really nice actually, smelt like laundry detergent and air freshener. The home was really well decorated, way far from mine. Very modern with dark furnishings and light walls, lots of portraits I'm guessing it was of the children and family.

He led me into the kitchen of the residence; it was so nice, white cupboards and white appliances with a blue speckled countertop. I'm guessing these people have some money to spend. In the kitchen was a woman in her mid 30's like my mom, she was blonde and very tall as well, I felt like a midget standing beside them. She introduced herself as Karen Pierce, Brian's wife. I took her hand and said I'm Santana Lopez.

We got right down to business; they asked me some questions about myself. I answered them as honestly as I could without coming off as a bitch. They seemed to like me; well they were smiling most of the time. They asked me things like my age, where I live, and if I have any experience.

I responded by saying "I'm 14 but I will be 15 in a few days. I live on Erickson Drive a few blocks west of your home, and I have a little brother who is 10 years of age."

All they did was nod as I was answering their questions. I was getting a good vibe off of these people, they seems so polite and genuine.

Lastly Brian asked me "why is a 14 year old young girl like myself looking for a job?"

I couldn't lie to my future bosses; I had to be honest with them. I looked down at my feet, I felt their eyes on me I was nervous.

This could be their deciding factor on hiring me or not, so I just went for it and said "my mother is having some trouble financially and I want to help her out."

After I was finished speaking I looked at the Pierce's and all they did was step closer to me and engulf me in their arms for a long hug. At first I was surprises that these strangers are actually hugging me, but it is exactly what I needed in that moment. With things on edge at home with my mother, I needed adult arms around me.

They weren't hesitant on saying I'm hired, they wanted me to start ASAP just for my sake. I was really grateful for these people to do this for me. We wrote down the days I was going to work, and the hours and then I left the Pierce's home smiling and skipping down the street. I was so proud of myself getting a job to help out my mother. I couldn't wait to go home and tell her.

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**Hey guys, hope you are enjoying this. I'm having a lot of fun with it, being inexperienced and all! If you have any suggestions or ideas, review and I'll be sure to take them into consideration, cheers.**


	3. Chapter 3

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**I'm actually having a lot of fun doing this, surprisingly because I never thought I'd actually be writing a story..Strange how things change huh? Any who, thanks guys. You are all awesome for the alerts and reviews! Keep them coming, and so will the chapters.**

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_Chapter 3_

I'm making my way down the many streets to get from the Pierce's house to mine. The walk only took about 30 minutes. In that half an hour the only thing I was concentrated on was how will I tell my mom I got a job without her permission. Many different scenarios were running through my head on the way home.

I had to stop a few times to actually take in what I just did, I saved my family. We don't have to move and I have a job to help my mother out. Everybody wins.

In that moment I was really happy, even though our house is a small conjoined town house and my mother is a single parent I was genuinely happy. Just like the day Carlos was born, it feels like nothing or no one could bring me down.

I'm walking down our street and I see my house I walk up the driveway and up the front steps onto the porch and put my key in the lock. I turn the key and open the door.

When I walk in I hear the television on in the living room where my mother was when I left. I made my way into the living room and I see her sitting there, blanked face, like she just saw a ghost or something.

I was kinda confused at her expression, so I sat beside her on the couch and I spoke. "Hey Madre, I have some exciting news to tell you!" I had a big smile on my face.

Her body didn't even twitch an inch, the only part of her body that was moving was her rib cage expanding and contracting every time she breathed.

I spoke up again, "Madre did you hear me? I got some news I want to tell you." That big smile that I had, yeah it is slowly disappearing.

She broke her glare at the television and finally looked at me, with her eye brows furrowed and a glazed look in her eyes, I was beyond confused now.

She spoke in a soft, slow and low annoyed voice. "Santana. I heard you the first time, and I know what you are going to tell me," she paused looked back at the television and then started again "you went behind my back and got a job."

I thought to myself _is she disappointed in me because I went behind her back, or because I got a job. Maybe she doesn't understand why I did this. _ I decided to clear this up for her.

"Yes Madre I did go behind your back to get a job, but it was only to help you and Carlos. I wanted to make things easier on yo-" and before I could finish my thoughts she stood up and walked away.

I furrowed my brow and watched her walk away, I was so confused. _Wait I don't think confused is a good word how about bewildered? Yeah I was bewildered. _SoI followed her into the kitchen and stood behind the 'L' shaped counter top. "Madre why are you so angry at me? I was just trying to help?"

I didn't understand what was going on; I just wanted to help that is all. The smile and happiness is completely gone by now.

She turned and looked at me and opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

She tried again and said "By helping me you go out and disrespect me by saying I can't support you and Carlos? I don't call that helping Santana, I call that insolence. Now listen to me," She started to wag her pointer finger at me that was slightly annoying me. "You will go back and quit that job and you will never put my reputation on the line _ever_ again."

My mother rarely raised her voice at me; I didn't understand how she even knew I had a job in the first place, or how I disrespected her.

"But Madre-" I was cut off again, this is starting to get old and my temperature is now starting to rise every time she was ignoring me.

"Santana don't make me repeat myself! Get out of my face and go and quit that job."

She started to go red in the face. But I was still really confused on what the heck was going on. I was starting to become further than angry.

"Madre!" She didn't like that too much; she glanced over at me with one eye brow raised and hands on her hips. (Another signature Lopez stare) I was a little startled, so I looked away and collected my thoughts then I continued to speak "The _only _reason I did this because I saw how upset you were the other day when you told me you lost one of your jobs. I didn't want you to think I was a Lima Loser like Dad so I decided to make some extra money for us. To help _us _out! That is all, not to put your _reputation_ on the line!"

I was starting to get a little snarky with my tone of voice and body language. I hated being viewed as this little girl she thought I was. I just wanted to help, God forbid I try and help her anymore.

"How dare you bring your Padre into this? This has nothing to do with him! Santana I'm giving you 5 seconds to get out of my face-"

"Or what Madre what are you going to do to me? Punish me because I'm trying to help you? That is something Dad never did." I said it in a sharp toned voice to get my point across I think it sort of worked.

I can tell by the way her body was moving she did not like this confrontation at all.

"OUT!" was all she said pointing at the nearest exit.

I took a breath in and exhaled out; I can't believe she is doing this to me right now. _Enough is enough_. "No, I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did so terribly wrong!" I yelled back.

I was sick and tired of being treated like shit when I did nothing wrong. My only intention was to help her out. How come she doesn't understand that?

"That is the problem with you Santana; you're just like your Padre! You can never understand the situations thrown at you." Her voice started to calm down a little.

"Okay back it up here," I made some drastic hand gestures to exaggerate my point. "First you tell me not to bring Dad into this conversation now you are the one bringing him up? Can you say hypocritical much? But to answer your statement how am I supposed to learn when you deflect each problem that is presented to me Mom? At least I'm trying here, unlike him..." I turned around and started for the stair well. I didn't want to deal with this anymore I just wanted to go into my room and shut myself away.

"SANTANA MARIA! Do NOT walk away from me when I'm speaking to you!" She screamed and it worried me.

I turned back around making my way back towards her; she looked exhausted and completely upset. But I didn't care, she was hurting me.

"Walking away seems like the easier way to deal with things with you mom," I paused thinking if I should say what I wanted to or not, but without registering it, it already slipped out. "No wonder he left you." She was completely shocked at my response, her body just shrunk.

She didn't say anything; she was defeated with my harsh words. Yeah I felt bad but maybe she needed to hear the truth. When my mother doesn't approve of something she has to get her way and it's not fair. _The world does not fucking revolve around you mother. _ I really wish I said that out loud instead of;

"Just so you know I'm not going to quit that job. I'm going to keep it and enjoy every minute of it." I said in a softer more confident tone, and turned walked away finally headed for my room.

It felt weird arguing with my mother, she was always so understanding and considerate since he left and all the problems that occurred after. I don't know what has switched in her mind; she just changed into a completely different person in the last few days.

_Maybe she was just having a bad week or something? _I still had no idea what just happened, I told you, every little thing we argue about. This was one of the worst ones, and I wish that confrontation didn't happen; because I hated arguing with her everything was completely different since that day.

Looks like I was wrong when I thought that nothing or no one could bring me down...

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**Hope you enjoyed reading chapter 3, review my lovelies :)**

**Oh by the way; I'd like to possibly update on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.  
If I can't for some reason please forgive me and I'll get up an update ASAP!**


	4. Chapter 4

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**You guys are friggen awesome!**

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_Chapter 4_

I did keep the babysitting job; my first day was this Friday from 5pm until 11pm or 12am at the latest. Brian and Karen were going out for a Golf Banquet for Brian's company. I would get $50 for my services at the Pierce's. All I had to do was babysit their 2 children,_ easy enough right?_

Up until then I avoided my mother as much as I possibly could. I would hang out with Carlos longer than I usually would and was in my room most of the time when she was home or I just wasn't home at all. I didn't want to have another confrontation; I don't think our relationship could have handled it at this point.

Friday evening came along and I was pretty excited to get out of the house and make some money for myself. I also was nervous because I've never met the Pierce's children before. _What if they don't like me? What if they want someone more exciting and pleasant? Would I match their standards? _All of these thoughts were running though my head as I'm walking to the Pierce's residence. I took a little detour because I was starting to get nervous, luckily I was being punctual on my first day and it was a lovely evening for a stroll.

I was fiddling with the strap on my bag as I was making my way towards my destination. I didn't want to show my nerves but this action certainly showed them. I stopped when I arrived on the porch of the Pierce's house and took a large breath through my nose. I don't want my situation at home reflect my work.

When I was ready I knocked on their greenish grey door and before I knew it Karen answered the door. It was like she was waiting for me to get there or watching me through the glass on the door.

She greeted me and let me in with a smile and wave. _Why can't my mom be this nice? _She called to Brian who was in the living room off to the right; he came out in a golf shirt with the logo FJ on it with nicely ironed dress pants. He gave me a quick hug and called for his children.

"Darrin! Brittany! Come on down your babysitter is here."

Down came 2 children, both with huge smiles on their faces, I couldn't help but smile back at them. Darrin was around my brother's age with brown hair like Brian and Brittany looked like my age with blonde hair like Karen. _Why would they need me to babysit if their daughter and I are around the same age? _It didn't make sense to me. So I smiled and introduced myself to the two unfamiliar faces.

We all exchanged polite smiles and waves. Brian and Karen lead all 3 of us into their beautiful kitchen. They already wrote me out a list of emergency phone numbers in advance which was really thoughtful of them. Also on the note pad was what to make for dinner and how to prepare it, the appropriate snacks, and Darrin and Brittany's bed time. All I could do was smile at this simple gesture that the Pierces thought of. They must have known I was a ball of nerves. _I really hope I wasn't showing it. _

A few minutes later Karen and Brian packed up what they needed for their Golf Banquet and then left. I locked the door behind them.

Once I closed and locked the door, my heart started to race. _I've never been in charge of anyone's kids before. What do I do now? _I couldn't help but panic a little inside. _What the hell Santana keep it real, this isn't you. Just pull it together. You got this. _I kept repeating positive innuendos to myself to calm down. I guess you can say it worked because next thing I know Darrin is dragging me into the basement to play video games with him.

I accepted his invitation on one condition. I told him I could only play for a few minutes then I have to start dinner for him and Brittany. He agreed to it, and continued down the stairs, with Brittany following close behind.

I've had tons of experience playing video games with Carlos, so when I was playing Darrin in Call of Duty he was slightly surprised.

"How are you so good at this? You keep killing me." Darrin was a little confused on why I was so good at this; I guess practice really does make perfect. "I don't understand." he just mumbled to himself.

In response I just let out a little giggle and a shrug.

I looked back to my left and there was Brittany just sitting on the Lazy Boy chair watching Darrin and I play intensely. She hasn't said one word yet. _Does this girl talk? Does she even have a voice? _I was curious on why she hasn't spoken yet.

We continued to play for a few more solid minutes then I paused the game, and a wine escaped from Darrin's mouth. I just laughed again. I looked back at Brittany and she just looked down at her nails and started to occupy herself with them.

"Hey Brittany. Do you want to take over my place in the game while I go cook yours and Darrin's dinner?" I said softly because I didn't know how to approach her.

She looked up slightly, and had a slight grin on her face. She nodded and got up to take the controller out of my hand. Brittany walked across the carpet towards me. _Why hasn't she said anything?_ I held it out, and she was hesitant on taking it from me. I inched my hand closer to her and she reached out and took it in her hand. Brittany's hand grazed over my fingers, and there was a bit of a shock. _Maybe that was just the electricity from dragging her feet across the carpet? It had to of been the carpet._

I stood up and headed for the stairs, meanwhile they have already unpaused the game and Brittany just killed someone head shot style. _Hum impressive_.

I made my way up the stairs and to the kitchen. I read over the note Mr and Mrs Pierce left me and I got out all of the right ingredients and equipment I need to use to make Kraft Dinner.

Milk – Check  
Margarine – Check  
Noodles – Check  
Cheese Sauce – Check  
Pot & Water – Check  
Measuring Cup – Check  
Strainer – Check  
Large Spoon – Check

Now I'm ready to turn on the stove top. I turned on the left bottom burner and placed the pot with the water on it.

There were at least 6 cupboards and 5 pull out drawers. I didn't know where anything was kept so I opened all of the cabinets and left them open so I know where to get certain tableware needed for dinner.

I pulled out 2 bowls and 2 forks and placed them on the kitchen table place mats while the water was boiling in the pot. I got out 2 decent sized cups and placed them beside the bowls and utensils. I didn't know what Darrin or Brittany liked to drink so I got out the water pitcher as well as the juice container.

The water is just starting to boil so I take the noodles and pour them into the water. With them cooking I stirred them until the noodles were fully cooked. _Can't have raw noodles now can we. _I strained the noodles, and applied the milk and butter to the exact amount. Lastly I put in the cheese sauce. Stirring all of the ingredients together with a large spoon and then divided the Kraft Dinner into the bowls on the table.

Dinner was finished. I went to the stairs and called "Darrin, Brittany your dinner is ready!" It had a bit of a sing song tune to it.

Next thing I hear are footsteps running up the stairs towards the basement door, the door opened and I heard Brittany say "HA, I beat you!"

_Oh so she does have a voice, a very unique one at that._

They sat in their assigned seats and devoured the Kraft Dinner in front of them. They didn't even have time to have a drink. Never seen people consume food as fast as these two.

As they finished up the last noodles in their bowls, I'm almost done cleaning up the dishes.

Darrin was finished first, he handed me his bowl along with his utensils and cup. I thanked him and he continued to the basement door to resume his game.

Brittany stood up and followed the same procedure as Darrin. _What polite children the Pierces raised. _I thanked her as well.

I turned around to continue doing the dishes and then I felt a tap on my right shoulder. I turned back around to face Brittany with a bowl in my hand along with the sponge.

"Do you want to come up and see my room?" Brittany said shyly looking down at her feet.

I was surprised when she actually spoke to me, but when she did it was like music to my ears.

I nodded and said "Sure Brittany, let me just finish up the dishes and I'll be right there."

I was trying to be as polite as possible; I couldn't be rude to the paying customer's children.

"Okay, when you walk up the stairs, it is the one straight ahead." She said a little more confident this time.

"Alright, see you there."

All I could do is smile to myself. _I got this girl to finally open up to me and talk to me._

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**Hope you are having fun reading :) review, review, review!**


	5. Chapter 5

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Early Friday update so here is chapter 5 my fellow readers!**

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_Chapter 5_

I'm making my way up the stairs towards Brittany's room. I look at the top of the stairs and on her door it has a big purple 'B' on it. You couldn't miss it if you tried. The door was closed and so I knocked on it.

I heard a mumbled "Come in," so I turned the door handle and pushed open the door.

A rush of fresh air and bright lights came at me. _This is refreshing. _

Her room was light blue in colour. But not the ugly light blue but a nice soft and comfortable one. She had light brown furnishings. Once you walked into the room to the right of the door was a high boy dresser with 5 small drawers and a cabinet attached to it. Straight up against the left wall was this giant desk with a glass top and a white board with a small filling cabinet attached. _Not sure why a 14 year old girl would need this big of a desk. _On the desk was this orange fish tank, there were 3 fishes in it, _guppies I think. _They were of all different colours. In the middle of her room you have her double bed; her bedding was from Roots. The comforter has pink, green, white and blue (the same blue of her walls) with stripes along it. Then you have her 2 drawer night stand with an iPod dock on it and a lamp. _Oh_ and her 15' small grey TV suspended from her wall.

Brittany's room was comfortable and uplifting at the same time, completely relaxing, no tension or anything.

She smiled when I walked into her room so I returned with a shy smile. _Why did she want me to see her room? _

"You have a nice room," I said softly.

"Thank you, blue is my favourite colour. Can you tell?" she said looking right in my eyes.

My heart kinda stopped for a second or two.

"Yah... I can, your eyes are blue too." My voice grew shakier every time I opened my mouth to speak.

Her eyes, oh gosh, the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. They were the perfect shade of blue, the perfect size, just perfect plain and simple. They spoke to you in ways that her mouth couldn't.

She just giggles and her face turns a little flush. She tries to hide it by turning around towards her bedside table to change the song playing from her iPod. I pretend like I didn't see her blush.

"Any style of music you prefer, Santana?" she looked up at me while she spoke.

That is the first time she ever said my name, and it just rolled off her tongue with ease. I've never been more mesmerized by someone's mouth before. Just the way she moved her lips when she spoke was insanely captivating.

I caught myself staring at her mouth and I figured I wasn't being as subtle as I should be. My face started to heat up just thinking of her perfect lips.

"I-uh I pretty much like anything, I'm not picky." my mouth was getting so dry and it has harder to speak and keep my voice steady.

"Great I like anything as well, look we already have something in common!" she said with a smile and she sounded a little excited.

My mouth just got dryer, if that's even possible at this point.

_What in the Hell is going on right now? I need to get out of here. I need air, I can't breathe... Santana be cool, you're good, just relax. Breathe._

"I-um I'm going to use your bathroom, ok?" and I just left like that without a response from Brittany.

I headed towards the bathroom down the hall. It felt like I was walking for an eternally to reach my destination, my safe place at the moment. But in reality it was only 5 steps away from Brittany's bedroom. With my head feeling dizzy and faint, I needed to get away I wasn't thinking straight.

At last I reached the bathroom; I quickly shut the door behind me and locked it. I walked towards the sink and turned it on so the water is pouring out of the faucet.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

_Great it's your first day on the job and you can't even handle a simple conversation with one of the Pierces kids, your pathetic Santana._

I splashed the running water onto my face because I can't handle the remarks my head is saying. _I feel like I'm going insane._ I splashed more water on my face, and the thoughts finally go away, well for now. I took a few deep breaths and calmed down my heart beat along with my breathing.

Before I know it there is a soft knock on the bathroom door followed by "Are you okay in there?" _Shit. _It was Brittany wondering if I'm okay.

"Uh- yeah I'm fine thanks," I'm trying so hard to keep my voice steady. "I'll be out in a few."

"Okay," Was all she said.

_Okay deep breath, your fine. Clear your thoughts and just go back out there like nothing even happened. _

A few seconds later I'm emerging from the bathroom shaking off all of the thoughts that happened before and making my way back towards Brittany's room.

Each step I took was a step closer to Brittany.

Again the door was closed, so I proceeded to knock. We repeated the same routine as before and I entered the refreshing room once again.

"Oh whew! I thought you might have fallen in," She said making the hand gestures while softly giggling.

_Gosh her giggle was adorable._

"That wouldn't be good now would it?" I responded with a smile and a laugh.

"No definitely not," she paused and took a breath in. "What would I tell my parents? Oh ya Santana fell in the toilet and she got stuck." She giggled and continued. "I don't think that would go over well, what do you think?" She winked at me.

My breath hitched.

All I said was "Yeah you're right." I did anything and everything to avoid eye contact.

"So, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"What about your brother? Shouldn't we go check on him?" I think she knew I was avoiding her eye contact.

"Oh ya right, Darrin. I forgot about him. Let's go see what he's doing downstairs shall we?"

Brittany is walking towards me well the door but I'm standing by the door. _Wait! Who forgets their own brother? _She is now in front of me and reaches for my arm. She clasps her arm with mine and we proceed down the stairs.

Meanwhile my head is going a hundred miles per hour; I don't think I've ever felt this way before. _What is going on with me? Maybe I'm getting sick? Yeah that's it; I'm coming down with the flu._

We make it to the basement and I take a seat on the futon across the room from Brittany. While Darrin is in the Lazy Boy playing a racing game; I think it is Need for Speed Underground 2. But I could be wrong.

No words were spoken for a while. Just eyes wondering to the game and around the room.

I wasn't really comfortable with the silence. Felt really awkward for me, so I ended up speaking.

"Do you guys want a sn-snack or something?"

Darrin just nodded his head with his still eyes glued to the TV screen.

I looked up across the room towards Brittany and her eyes were already on me, and my face suddenly turned red.

"Yeah that would be great," she started to get up off the futon. "Here let me help you."

"Oh no that won't be necessary, just stay down here and pla-" I was cut off by her voice.

"I insist Santana. Let me help." Her voice was stern and a little demanding but soft at the same time.

I was taken back by her forwardness. _What am I supposed to say, no?_

"You really don't have to Brittany."

"Don't be silly."

"Okay."

We made our way up the stairs towards the kitchen. Brittany was in front of me. When walking up the stairs behind someone, where are you supposed to look? At the stairs in front of you? Where? Is there like a guide line I have to follow? If I look at the stairs in front of me I'll just trip and look like a complete fool. But if I look up where I'm going then there's Brittany's butt right in my line of vision. _Gosh who knew walking up the stairs behind someone was so hard and confusing. _Just look at the wall or hand rail or somewhere else.

She held the door open for me and we walked into the kitchen.

"What do you feel like having for a snack?" I opened their snack cupboard and analyzed the options.

"You have Gold Fish, Crispers, Pringles," I made my way to the fridge and opened it up. "And in the fridge you have apples, strawberries and oranges."

"Anything sound good to you?" I turned around and looked at Brittany. She was just standing there, no expression on her face or anything just starring in my direction.

"Brittany?" I waved my hand in front of her face.

"Oh sorry, I was day dreaming." She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay... what snack do you want?" I was kinda running out of patience for her to answer.

"Um, do we have Gold Fish?"

"Yes. I already said that." I turned and grabbed the bag of Gold Fish out of the cabinet. "Do you think Darrin would like some too?"

"Yeah I think so; if he doesn't then I'll just eat them." She said with a little smile.

"Sounds good." _I'm guessing she likes Gold Fishes'_.

I opened up the cupboards with the bowls and took out 2 small serving bowls. I poured the Gold Fish Crackers into the bowls and put the bag back into the cabinet. I handed one of the bowls to Brittany and headed back down to the basement.

It was around 10:50pm and it was passed Darrin's bed time. I let him stay up a little bit later because he wanted to play more games. I finally got him to go to bed at 11:10pm. The Pierces are due home any minute now. Brittany's bed time was when ever she wanted to go to bed, or whenever her parents got home.

I'm actually really tried, I keep yawning and my eyes are now watering. Who knew babysitting was such a tiring process.

Brittany and I are in the living room on the couch watching some TV. We are both quiet because we're tired. Every now and again she glances over at me with a smirk on her face. I just try and shake out the thoughts in my head.

A few more silence minutes go by until Brittany's curiosity got the best of her.

"Why don't you have any friends?" Brittany didn't beat around the bush that's for sure.

"Uh, what?" _Could she be anymore random? We're watching the discovery channel and she comes out with this..._

"You don't have many friends, why is that?" She had no filter when she wanted to find out something.

"I do have friends, I just uh-don't hang out with them." I nodded my head, to convince myself more than anything.

Meanwhile I actually don't have any friends... I'm such a bitch no one wants to hang out with me. But I don't blame them; I wouldn't hang out with me either. I'd probably make my life a living hell if I were them.

"Oh why don't you hang out with them?" She turned her head and looked at me this time.

"Why do you have to be so curious about this?" I took my eyes off the TV and looked her right in the eyes, I didn't get why she needed to know about my personal life so much.

"Just asking, you seem like a nice girl and I've been told by a lot of people that you aren't very nice to them. But I don't see what they are talking about you're nice to me."

I mumbled "Well it's kind of my job..." I didn't want her to hear it but she did.

"Oh." was all she said and returned her attention back to the TV.

Luckily her parents walked through the door. _Saved by the parents. _Brittany ran to the front door and embraced both of them in her arms. I followed shortly behind her.

"How was your night Mr. and Mrs. Pierce?" I said in the most positive way possible.

"Fantastic" Mr. Pierce stated.

"Great thanks and how was your night girls?" she said gesturing to Brittany and I.

Brittany and I both froze in our tracks and glanced at each other.

"It was good thank you Mrs. Pierce." I said smiling.

Well I didn't lie, it was good to get out of my house and make money. I also didn't do very much just cooked dinner and played video games. Pretty simple.

"Yeah it was fun!" Brittany said in an excited tone.

"That's great, Brittany why don't you go up stairs and get ready for bed so we can talk to Santana?" Mr. Pierce suggested while patting his daughters on the back.

"Okay Dad," Brittany headed for the stairs, she turned around and said "Goodbye Santana and thank you." She smiled then continued back up the stairs towards her room.

When she smiled it just lighted up the room even though it's midnight. It made my heart flutter.

"Goodnight Brittany and my pleasure." I flashed back a polite smile.

Moments later you heard her door shut, followed by the Pierces handing me $50 cash.

I thanked them, and told them to call me if they needed another babysitter.

They told me that I'm first on their list and for me to have a good night.

I returned the gesture and exited their residence and I went on my way with my little adventure towards home.

A part of me didn't want to leave because I knew I would have to go back home and deal with my mother again. But I needed to be home for Carlos. _Anything for him._

* * *

**Longest chapter yet, hope y'all enjoyed. Cheers!**

**meg.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Chapter 6 for you folks, enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter 6_

I walked in my front door around 1:30am. I knew it was really late and I needed to be as quiet as possible, I didn't want to wake anyone up especially Carlos.

I took off my shoes and wondered into the kitchen to see if there was any dinner left over, that walk home made me super hungry, turns out there isn't any food. _Bummer. _I instead grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and made my way up to my room.

On the way up the stairs I avoided all the creaks on the stairs. I walked past Carlos's room, his door was open a crack so I peaked my head inside. There he was sleeping on his bed with a book on his chest. _Crap I forgot to read Carlos a bed time story. _I was upset at myself; ever since Carlos was young I've always read him a bed time story. I can't believe I missed it.

I walked through his door and picked up the book that was resting on his chest, _of course his favourite book_. I placed it on top of his night side table and kissed his forehead. After that I pulled up a corner of his comforter and tucked him back in. He stirred underneath my touch; thankfully he is a heavy sleeper.

I exited his room and walked down the hall way into my own room. _Ahh feels good to be in my own room._ I grabbed my black boxer shorts and a loose t-shirt and brought it with me into the bathroom.

In the bathroom I got changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Once I was finished I made my way back to my bedroom.

I slipped under my covers and turn off my bedside table light. Next thing I know I'm asleep.

I felt a finger poking at my cheek, I thought it was just in my dream, but I guess I was wrong because when I opened my eyes I saw Carlos standing beside my bed with his arm extended at my face.

I just smiled and moaned sleepily, rolled over to face the wall.

Besides rolling over I pulled the covers over my face to block out the sun beaming through my curtains. I also pulled them over my face so Carlos would get the idea to leave me alone so I can get some more sleep.

Carlos was persistent, and he always will be; hands down. When he wanted something, he did everything in his power to get what he wanted.

Now for example, I'm trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning but he insists on being a pain in the ass and tries to wake me up to do something with him.

I absolutely love my little brother, but in moments like these; I kinda just want to rip off his head, shove it in a garbage bag, tie it up and use it as a soccer ball.

I pulled the covers down from my face and furrowed my brow at him. "What do you want Carlos?" My voice was raspy like everyone is when they wake up.

I tried to focus my eyes, but it was hard because I was just woken up; takes me some time to wake up.

I'm totally not a morning person; I'll do anything for my sleep. Whenever I can sneak in a little nap I will. Doesn't matter where I am or what time it is, I can and will sleep. It has never been a problem for me.

_Why _you say? _Why _do I like sleep so much? Well I love sleep because it's the only time where I feel the most protected, like nothing or no one can hurt me, neither can my thoughts. It's the only place where I get relief from my life and I can dream of this life that I've always wanted. For me sleep is effortless, natural and satisfying all at the same time. I don't need to worry about anything; my body is in this place where it's at peace. I can be myself and be happy for the time being. But when I get woken up from my sleep without my doing, I can be somewhat of a crank.

Carlos knows how I can be when I'm woken up by someone, so he just looked at the ground because he knew he shouldn't have woken me.

"I just wanted to go fly a kite and go to the park..." He said slowly and nervously.

"And this couldn't have waited until I was awake, why?" I huffed out a breath of air and sat up on my bed.

"I asked mom but she just ignored me, so I decided to ask you Tana." He looked up at me in his puppy dog eyes. _Darn that look always gets me, and he knows it._

"Okay, okay. You can stop that now." I smiled and continued. "Let me wake up and get ready then I'll make us some breakfast then we can head out."

A huge smile appeared on his face.

"How does that sound kiddo?" As I stood up I patted him on the back.

"Great Tana great." And with that he exited my room.

I'm standing in the kitchen stirring the pancake mix in the largest bowl we had.

Carlos insisted on having pancakes with strawberries on the side. I swear this is his favourite breakfast meal.

After the mix is free from the bumps in the batter I poured it onto the special frying pan we have to make the pancakes.

I made 2 for Carlos and 2 for me, plus one extra. _Lord knows how much we Lopez's can eat._

I cleaned and cut the strawberries and put them into a serving bowl while Carlos is watching cartoons on the TV in the kitchen.

The first 2 of the pancakes are almost done; these are the largest ones I've ever made to this day. One pancake is at least the size of the large serving plate.

I take the spatula and pry the pancake away from the pan and place it onto his plate. I repeat the same step for the second pancake.

I place Carlos's plate in front of him along with a fork and a knife.

He just looks up at me and smiles.

"Here you go bud," I gave him the syrup and margarine for his pancakes.

"Oh can't forget these now." And I handed him his strawberries.

With a mouth full of pancakes Carlos said "Thank you Tana." I managed to decipher what he was saying without asking him to repeat himself.

With Carlos peacefully eating his breakfast I made mine the same way.

Shortly after I made my way beside Carlos at began to eat my pancakes. _These are actually delicious._

Once we were both done, I just rinsed off the dishes and placed them in the sink because I figured I'd do them later when I had time.

We arrived at the park with kite in hand and a ball full of energy in the other. Even though I'm going to be 15 soon I still loved flying a kite, even with Carlos.

He always wanted to go first; I'm not going to argue with him. He was so happy.

Carlos let the wind take the kite higher and higher into the sky. Then he let it float there for a little while just admiring the flying figure in the atmosphere.

I stood there watching the joy on his face and the happiness in his eyes. I couldn't help but smile at him. _I haven't seen him this happy in a long time; I didn't want to ruin it. Who knew when it was going to come back?_

I let him have as much time as he wanted flying the kite, I wasn't in any hurry and I had patience for him.

Several minutes go by when I hear the ice cream trucks music and then I see it roll up to the park. Carlos turned and looked at me and ran towards me saying "Please, please, please."

Carlos adored chocolate ice cream he couldn't resist it.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Sure bud, chocolate?"

"You bet cha!" He was so excited to have ice cream.

We both walked over to the ice cream truck and patiently waited in the line. I was debating what I wanted to get; _caramel sundae, strawberry milkshake or a twist cone? _ I decided on the strawberry milkshake.

Carlos was standing in front of me eyeing the other kids in front of us getting their ice cream. My hands were resting on his shoulders. I leaned forwards and kissed the top of his head. He squirmed under my kiss.

Next thing I felt was a hand on my ass. _What twisted pervert is touching me? _I turned around and found this creepy man with grey hair standing behind me.

_Who does this guy think he is touching me like that? _ I gave him a sharp glare and said, "You have 2 options here buddy," I paused and looked around to see how many children were around. "One," I held up my pointer finger. "You can either leave here with no pride left because I will destroy you with a sexual harassment law suit and you will be prohibited from coming back or even stepping foot in this park ever again." I added in my middle finger "Two or I can tear off one of your balls, left or right your choice."

He started to back away. "So what will it be you disgusting pervert?" I said with one final breath.

This nauseating man looked so petrified it brought me joy. I just smiled as he ran away and I turned back to the line. Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched the incident that just took place. I placed my hands back on Carlos's shoulders and he put his hands on mine and gently squeezed.

"Okay, you can all stop starring at me..." My voice was really snappy. These people don't need to constantly stare at me.

"Seriously, take a bloody picture people!" These people were friggen annoying me and I still haven't even gotten my milkshake yet.

I felt a tap on my right shoulder, _you gotta me fucking kidding me right now, leave me alone. _I huffed out air and turned around slowly wondering who will honestly want to mess with me right now.

I made it all the way around and there stood Brittany Pierce in a beautiful navy blue sun dress with her blonde hair off to the left side, over the shoulder style.

I was shocked to see her, but it was a good surprise. "Oh Brittany! Hi." I smiled with a hint of a blush.

"I think you should become a lawyer or something, no one would want to mess with you." She said in a flirting way.

"Oh that, that was nothing." I made it out to be like it wasn't a big deal; meanwhile it took a lot out of me.

She just giggled looking at me with her striking baby blue eyes. The navy dress accented her eyes in a way I'd never imagine.

"Hey Brittany want to meet my brother?" She nodded so I spun around to grab Carlos and brought him to face Brittany. "Carlos Brittany, Brittany Carlos."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Carlos." Brittany said and a professional way and extended her hand to shake Carlos's.

"The pleasure is all mine Brittany." With that he winked and took back his hand. _Oh smooth move Carlos._

"NEXT!" The ice cream truck driver yelled to get our attention.

"Oh that's us, do you want anything Brittany?" I asked her in a suggestive way.

I can hear Carlos ordering his chocolate ice cream in the background as I'm looking at Brittany waiting for her to answer me. _How is it humanly possible to be that beautiful?_

"Yeah sure if that's okay with you." She was a little timid with her answer but I knew she wanted something.

"Of course it is I wouldn't ask if it wasn't." I paused and waited for her to think of what she wanted to have. "Did you figure it out?"

Brittany looked at me and said "I'll have a strawberry shake, please."

_Did she read my mind, or is that really her favourite?_

I twisted around and said, "And 2 strawberry shakes, please."

The ice cream man made the shakes and handed them to us "Here you go, that will be $4.50 miss."

I handed him a $5 dollar bill and let him keep the change.

We started for the picnic benches beside the park.

I guess Brittany picked up on my polite gesture and said "That was really nice Santana," I didn't understand what she was saying so I furrowed my brow and she continued. "Letting him keep the change."

"It was nothing," it really wasn't anything, .50 cents isn't a huge deal. I would have usually kept the change because I collect my change in a jar that counts it for you. But there was something about Brittany that made me calm down my terrible manner and made me want to become polite.

We arrived at the picnic benches and we all ate our ice cream and milk shakes in silence. _I guess we all wanted our deserts. _

A few minutes went by until we were all finished, Carlos was done first so he went off and continued flying his kite.

"I'll be right here if you need anything Carlos." I gestured to the picnic bench and he just nodded in response.

I finished up my shake and tossed it into the trash can.

"So what brings Brittany Pierce to the park this delightful morning?" I said in a curious tone. _I was genuinely curious why she randomly showed up because she wasn't with her brother._

"Well I heard from a little birdie that a certain raven haired beauty comes to this park with a younger Latina to fly kites and to play on the jungle gym. So I decided to make a trip down here to see if I can run into this individual." She couldn't help but smile as she was talking.

It made me blush like mad; I wasn't expecting this answer to come out of Brittany's mouth.

_Well my question was answered in more detail than I normally assumed for._

"I guess that's a good reason huh?" I paused to add effect and so I can play on this a little longer. "Did you find this raven haired beauty you speak off?"

"As a matter of fact I think I did." Brittany was all smiles now; she couldn't hold it back any longer.

If I thought I was blushing before, I can't imagine how red my face is now.

Thankfully Carlos came running over and said he got his kite stuck in a tree.

Brittany and I got up to locate his kite and of course it's high up in the pine tree.

I climbed it and retrieved the kite in a matter of minutes; I escaped with a few scrapes and bruises.

When I got down it was around lunch time and Brittany had to go home.

"Hopefully I will see you soon Santana!" She came in for a hug.

_Wholly mother f. _With every step she took towards me my heart was beating faster and faster, it felt like time was slowing down just for this moment. When our bodies finally met each other's I swear my heart was going to explode with how fast it was beating.

"Y-yeah that would be g-g-great." I couldn't think, I couldn't speak, and this girl was absolutely magical from top to bottom.

Brittany headed in the direction towards her home and turned around and said "Bye Carlos, nice meeting you." Then she turned around and walked home.

"You too," Carlos yelled.

With that Carlos and I returned home just in time for lunch.

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**Hope you enjoyed chapter 6 guys! Let me know how I'm doing, please. Don't forget to review. **


	7. Chapter 7

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Heres be chap 7!**

* * *

_Chapter 7_

Remember when I didn't do the dishes when Carlos and I finished eating breakfast? I figured I'd do them when I have time. Well when he and I got home things didn't go over so well.

_Carlos and I walked in the front door around 12:30pm just in time for lunch to be served. We both took off our shoes and Carlos placed the kite by the stairs, so he won't forget to bring it up to his room. After that we both walked into the kitchen, Carlos first then I was following close behind him._

_No sign of my mother and no sign of lunch being served either. _Hum what's going on? I guess I have to make food for Carlos and I...again.

_He made his way to his usual seat with a slumped posture._

"_Yo, Carlo!" He looked up from the kitchen table. "What do you want for lunch bud?"_

"_Can we have grilled cheese please Tana?"_ That was another favourite for him.

"_Yeah I think I can manage that, do you want pickles on the side too?" I suggested to him._

"_Um, yeah sure." He said_

_With that I got out the loaf of bread, margarine, sliced cheese, pickles, and the grilled cheese maker._

_I started buttering the first sandwich and then he spoke again._

"_Where do you think mom is?" His voice was genuinely sad at this point._

_I turned to face Carlos because he deserved a truthful answer._

"_I'm not sure bro," I honestly didn't know where she was; she always made lunch at 12:30pm on weekends when she was home. "Maybe she got called into work?"I suggested because that's where I hoped she was._

"_Okay..." I felt bad he was truly upset Madre wasn't home when we came home._

"_It's alright Carlos she will come home don't worry."I tried to make my voice as convincing as I could._

_I continued to make the grilled cheeses. I finished Carlos's in a few minutes and handed him the sandwich with the pickles on the side._

_I suddenly lost my appetite because my head was in overdrive from thinking too much. So I just put the food and everything else back to where it belongs and sat at the table watching Carlos._

_I wanted to keep his mind off of my mom not being here so I asked him, "What do you want to do after you finish eating?"_

_He took a few seconds to think about my question and then he finally spoke. "Do you want to maybe play some video games with me?" _He was crushed, so I couldn't say no.

"_Yeah sure, I'll go get it set up okay?" I got up and headed for the living room to get the system ready for us to play._

_He finished his sandwich and came into the living room where I was waiting for him._

"_Ready to get beaten Carlos?" I tried to make him smile but it didn't work. He just nodded. This is unlike him, he always liked a challenge. _

_We sat and played for what it feels like mere minutes when it was actually 3 hours later. _Time sure does fly by when you're having fun...

_My mother just walked through the door from god knows where._

_Carlos got up from the couch and ran to our mother. She just stood there when he tried to hug her. I'm observing this from the living room. _What the fuck is wrong with her?

"_Go back and play your game Carlos." She patted him on the head; her tone was sharp, stern and slightly slurred._

"_Okay Madre, I'm glad your home, we missed you." She flinched at that._

_Carlos came back into the living room and resumed our game. We played for a little longer when I heard my mom in the kitchen crashing around dishes._

"_Hey buddy, I'm going to go and talk to mom. You keep playing, okay?" I said in a whisper so he could only here me._

"_Okay." He was too involved in his game to say anything otherwise._

_I walked into the kitchen where my mother was and she was just standing there looking at all the dishes in the sink._

Crap.

"_Did you really think I was going to clean this up Santana?" She sounded annoyed with her back still turned to me facing the sink._

"_No, absolutely not, this is my mess and Ill clean it up."I really didn't want to piss her off anymore than she already was._

"_Why did you leave it? When were you going to clean this mess up exactly?"_ Wholly shit mom relax, I just said I was going to clean it up. End of story.

"_When I had enough time to do them, that's when I was going to clean it up exactly." Yeah I mocked her but she was being a bitch about it._

_She turned and looked at me dead in the eyes, and I just stared right back. _I'm not going to back down because she thinks her glare is intimidating.

"_I see. Why didn't you do them after you finished using them?"She narrowed her eyes at me._

"_Because someone had to take care of Carlos and entertain him."_ There is no holding back now.

"_Is that what this is really about Santana," She paused and continued. "Carlos."When she said his name she raised one of her eyebrows._

"_What do you honestly think Madre; you never spend any time with him anymore. He had to come and _wake me_ up this morning because you didn't want to take him to the park, you totally ignored him. It's bad enough he only has 1 parent so when you ignore him he feels like doesn't have any at all, just an older sister that is willing to do _anything for him_." I took a breath in and continued. "Now tell me, what is that about?"_

_She was kinda speechless but she always has to have the last word in an argument. _Well she tries anyways.

_My mother was swaying in the kitchen like she couldn't hold her own. _Is she drunk?

"_I was just busy this morning and I didn't have time to go to the park." I can tell she was uncertain with her answer. So I called her bluff._

"_Bull fuckin shit mom." _This was the last straw. _"A parent is supposed to drop anything and everything just to make their child happy and spend every waking moment with them." I raised my voice a little louder than normal._

_Carlos wondered into the kitchen to see what the arguing was all about._

"_What's going on in here?" He was curious on why we were yelling._

"_Go back in the living room bud I'll be right there, okay."_

"_You sure Tana?" he was so confused on what was going on between mom and I._

"_Positive." And I shot him a smile. He made his way back into the living room and I heard the game resume._

_She didn't say anything so I spoke up again._

"_Just to let you know mom, a parent is something you are far from."I returned the raised eye brow gesture._

_Her face was full of anger and disappointment. _

_Without even noticing my mom was stepping closer to me. Before I know it she is right in front of me. You can smell the alcohol on her breath. It's like seeping out of her pores for god sake. _Yeah she is defiantly drunk.

_She extended her right arm and slapped my face. My head just turned in the opposite direction._

That bitch, did she really just hit me? Who does she honestly think she is?

"_Don't ever tell me I'm a bad parent!" She was furious now. The alcohol is now taking over her every move and actions._

_I just laughed in her face. That made her face go redder. _

"_Okay mom." I just smiled and nodded. "So all good parents slap their children in their faces and go and get hammered in the middle of the day, right... Thanks for making that clear for me. I finally understand it now." _Sarcasm was always a good friend to me.

"_Yep, they sure do." _

_With that she slapped me again, harder this time. It's like she was beating a punching bag as hard as she could._

"_You fucking bitch!"I started to back away because it wasn't right and frankly I just didn't want to get hit again. "I can't believe you hit me." I was in disbelief. _

"_Well would you look at that Santana I did." She said with a smirk on her face._

"_What are you going to do, hit Carlos next," I took a breath to try and ignore the heat radiating from the hand print on my face. "Because that's what all the _fan-fucking-tastic_ parents do now a days."_

I thought to myself 'is this really just because I didn't do the dishes?'

_She started to raise her hand again, _I'm not letting his bitch hit me again. _I raised my left arm and deflected her slap. Then I grabbed both of her wrists so she can't hit me._

_I reversed her until her back reached the counter top and I said in a meaningful and threatening tone._

"_You lay a hand on me or Carlos ever again," I tightened my grip on her wrist to show her I'm being 100% serious. "I will make sure you will go to jail and you will become someone's BITCH!" I spat the last word._

_I felt satisfied with my doing and I loosed my grip on her and said "Do you understand me?"_

_She nodded horrified._

"_Good, I'm glad we agree." I started to walk away and then I spoke up and said, "Oh ya, go have another drink, because you know that erases all the problems in the world. Doesn't it mom." Then I walked away into the living room to get Carlos._

"_Come on bud, we are going out." I was being short because I just wanted to get out of here._

"_But-"_

_I cut him off, grabbed his hand and hurried to the front door._

"_Put on your shoes Carlos." He was just looking up at me, "Now."_

_He obeyed my demand and we walked out the door. I had my key with me, some money, and I grabbed a sweater for him just in case he got cold. _

I had no idea where we were headed, but I knew we needed to get out for a little while.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Carlos and I have been walking around for a long time I didn't know where to go. We went up and down streets, around different blocks and to all the parks we knew.

I took him to a corner store to grab a bag of chips and a chocolate bar just in case he got hungry.

Carlos and I kept on walking, and we ended up at our favourite place.

He and I discovered this place when we went for a walk through the forest one time and it's been our spot ever since.

It was about 300 meters into the forest over the creak and under a bridge. No one knows of this place, you have to walk through a few dead trees that have fallen down from storms that have never been disposed of. Beyond those trees is this hushed clearing. The only thing that you can hear is the wind whipping over the hills and through the massive trees.

It was the most breath taking experience ever; nothing to worry about and most importantly no one to answer to just me and Carlos sitting on this boulder that we carved our names into.

Where he sits it says 'Carlo the little bro' and where I sit it says 'Tana the big banana'. We used a stone to carve our names into the boulder, Carlos wrote mine and I wrote his. _Clearly he was more creative than me._

We took our usual seats and we just gazed at this beautiful horizon while the sun was starting to set.

There has always been something about sunsets for me. I've always been drawn to them, the way they illuminate the sky with such vibrant colours. The way the clouds look when the sun lights them up. The way it disappears so calmly with no hesitation because it will come back tomorrow and the more days to come.

There were no words spoken until the sun was fully settled into the horizon.

It will always be remarkable for me to watch, no 2 sunsets are ever the same, and they are all different and authentic in their own way.

I wouldn't want anyone else with me sharing this moment besides Carlos.

He exhaled a pleased sigh and turned to put his head on my shoulder.

_Man I love my brother._

"Beautiful huh?" My voice was low almost close to a whisper.

He stalled for a little while and then said, "More than you know, more than you know Tana."

All I could do was smile at his response; I guess my love for sunsets was passed along to him somewhere between coming here the first time and till now.

"Ready to go?" I stood up and gestured for him to get up as well. "It's getting a little cold, here put on your sweater." I handed him the sweater I grabbed before I left.

"Yeah, but where are we going to go? Are we going back home?" He had a little bit of excitement in his voice. But I knew we couldn't go back home right now.

"Not yet bud, I need to talk to a few people first. Is that okay with you?" I said as we are exiting the clearing.

"If you say so sis,"

We left just a little after 7:30pm and we are on the road again headed somewhere where I thought was safe for both of us.

* * *

**Where do you think they are headed? Hummmm :)**

**As always review. If you have any suggestions and such holla at yo gurl. **

**Hahah ghetto. **


	8. Chapter 8

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Chapter numero eighto!**

* * *

_Chapter 8_

We ended up on a familiar street, to me not Carlos.

On the way over, he didn't speak a single word, but I'm sure he was thinking a whole lot.

He was probably tired from walking. _Cause I know I was._

It's pretty late now and I've been having second thoughts on if I should knock on the door or not.

_This is for Carlos and you, but mainly Carlos. Do it for him._

With that I walked up the drive way and reached the porch of the house. Carlos was right beside me holding my hand.

I lifted up my hand a multiple times to knock but I chickened out every time. Then Carlos squeezed my hand because he knew I was nervous. _It worked._

I knocked on the door and waited for a few seconds until someone answered.

In those seconds my hands were starting to sweat and become clammy, my heart was sinking into my stomach and my head was spinning with multiple scenarios.

Then someone turned on the porch light and mere seconds later the door opened.

Mrs. Pierce answered the door; the expression on her face was pure confusion.

I just looked at her with tears gazing in my eyes, I rarely cried but I didn't know what else to do at this point, I couldn't keep it in any longer. _I've been trying so hard to keep strong for Carlos but you can only do so much._

"Oh Santana honey, come on in." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in their home with Carlos at my side.

Karen held me in her arms and I let out a few silent tears. "It's okay Santana everything will be okay." It felt weird hearing that come out of someone else's mouth but my own.

I never let go of Carlos's hand, I _needed_ him I needed him right beside me.

She eventually let go of me and by that time Brian was in the foyer with us. He had the same look on his face as his wife did a few short moments ago.

"I didn't know we called for a babysitter." He tried to lighten up the mood, but his humor was really dry; the type where you didn't know whether to laugh or not.

So I tried to smile the best I could. He saw right through it.

No one has really acknowledged Carlos yet. I looked down at him and he is just staring at their rug.

"Hey Carlos, this is Mrs. Pierce," I pointed towards Karen.

"Nice to meet you Carlos." She gave him a little wave.

"And this is Mr. Pierce," I pointed towards Brain.

"You can call me Brian if you want to bud." While giving him a high-5. _Well low-5 in Carlos's case._

Carlos just smiled at the adults in front of us.

"These are the people I babysit for." I informed him so he doesn't think we are at some random stranger's house.

There was a silent pause for a moment until Brian spoke up.

"Hey Carlos. Why don't you come with me and I will introduce you to my son Darrin?" He had such a calming voice it made Carlos visually less tense. "He is about your age, and he loves to play video games." I heard as they were walking towards the stairs to head up stairs.

I followed Karen into the kitchen. She pulled out a chair for me and said "Take a seat sweetie."

So I obliged to her offer and I looked up at her with my hurtful eyes and she needed to know what was going on.

"So are you going to tell me why you showed up on our doorstep sweetheart?" She was very patient with me.

I didn't know where do start. But before I did I heard the basement door close and followed by the voice that has been stuck in my head say "Mom? Where are you?"

Karen looked up in the direction where the voice was coming from. "In the kitchen Britt."

As Brittany walked into the kitchen she saw me sitting in the chair and was in disbelief.

"Santana? Is that you?" She was genuinely shocked to see me. _Well who wouldn't be its late._

I twisted in the chair to look at her, our eyes met and I instantly felt warmer inside.

"What's going on?" She looked up at her mom for answers because she could tell from looking at me that something was wrong.

"I'm trying to figure out sweetheart." Karen responded.

"Oh my Santana are you okay?" She put her arms around me while I was sitting. _This is a little awkward but I'm not going to complain._

Once Brittany stopped hugging me I looked up at Karen and she said, "Whenever you're ready Santana."

I took a deep breath and repeated it a few times. _Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale._

I started to speak and I can tell I had the Pierces full attention because they didn't move or even blink.

I explained the whole situation with my family including my father.

They were both speechless. They didn't know what to say, or didn't know how to even console me at this point.

So I told them, "I didn't come here for empathy or sympathy I came here to see if I can get any answers." My voice was a little shaky.

More silence goes by and now I'm starting to think this is a bad idea. _I could have just dealt with this on my own._

Brittany got up and poured me a glass of water. I thanked her and took a sip of the water. _ How thoughtful._

Karen took a deep breath in and proceeded to speak, "I don't want to offend you in any way Santana so please stop me if I get near a touchy subject," She waited for any form of acknowledgement from me before continuing. I nodded my head slightly and she continued. "I need you to know that I would like to help you the best I can."

"Thank you." It came out more as a whisper than anything.

Brittany just sat there observing the whole scenario in front of her, I can tell she wanted to help me but didn't know how.

"Do you know where your father is now?" I think it was the most obvious question that needed to be answered. But I didn't have the answer.

"No unfortunately I don't, I haven't heard or seen him since the day Carlos was born." Bringing back that memory was sure painful.

"That's really unfortunate, I'm sorry to hear that Santana." I've heard this for my whole life. So I just shared a weak smile.

"So your mother has just been recently acting out?"

I took a breath in to try and collect my thoughts.

"She has been acting strange ever since he left, but I wouldn't blame her. It has been 10 years since he left and it is still a sore subject but I feel like she should try to move on and get out of this slump she is in." I took a breath in because I was talking really fast. _I just wanted to move fast and get past the painful memories._ "But to answer your question, yes it recently got worse when she lost one of her jobs it's like she just got pushed further down the hole. I guess it got triggered when she found out I got the babysitting job." That took a lot out of me.

"I understand," She paused and took a deep breath in. "I want to get something off my chest before we proceed with this conversation." I was kinda curious on what she had to say so I perked up my ears and listened.

"The day you left here from the interview I was the one that informed your mother about your job." She let out a long breath.

"So that's how she knew before I got home..." I said trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, and now they are finally fitting together.

"I just figured she would be proud of you, Santana sweetie I'm so sorry." She said in an apologetic manner.

You can tell she was genuinely sorry for her actions.

"It's okay Mrs. Pierce, I didn't know she was going to act that way either." _It's true, I thought she'd be happy for me but I guess we were both wrong._

"I want you to know I will never do anything like that again, I don't want to put you in a situation like this for a second time." The regret in her voice was harsh but I understood she meant what she said.

"Thank you Mrs. Pierce. Thank you." I couldn't really think of anything else to say to her at this point. Of course I'm hurt but her intention was not to make the situation worse.

Brittany was sitting to my left with her left arm on the kitchen table and her right resting on the edge of her chair, she just sat there and faced me. Didn't say anything or move.

I looked over at her and she had tears in her eyes. _I feel horrible I didn't mean to make her cry. What a bad friend._

"Brittany, I'm sor-" and before I could finish my sentence her hand gracefully landed on my upper thigh.

_Can you say butterflies or what?_

Where her hand was resting I can feel my leg start to go numb and tingly. It was such a comforting move for her; she did it like it was no big deal.

Me on the other hand, I'm freaking out on the inside, and I'm sure I'm showing it on the outside as well.

Her hand was hot, I can feel it radiating through my pants.

We just looked at each other for a while; she didn't know how to make me feel better by words so she used her actions instead. _Thank god for that._

Karen wanted to help me as well, "What are you going to do from this point Santana?"

I broke my gaze with Brittany and looked up across the kitchen at Karen. _ Did she see her daughter put her hand on my thigh?_

"I-uh I, I'm not sure. To be honest Mrs. Pierce that is why I came here." I took a second to accept what I'm about to say. "I needed some advice on what to do, not just for me but with Carlos too."

_I've always been pretty independent when it came to Carlos and I but right now my thoughts and emotions are everywhere and I literally don't know what to do anymore._

"You have been a great older sister to Carlos, the best I've seen. But right now you need to focus on yourself and understand the situation to find a solution in the matter." Mrs. Pierce was a very intelligent woman so I figured what she was saying was accurate in my situation.

"Okay and how am I supposed to do that?" How am I supposed to forget about my brother?

Brittany can tell I'm getting a little angry because she gently squeezed my thigh. _I forgot her hand was even there because I couldn't feel it, it was numb._

I think Karen caught on to my irritation so she just paused before talking. She looked at me in the eyes; I can tell she is doing this to help me and nothing more.

I decided to give her a chance. _Maybe her advice might work._

"Don't get me wrong your mom might be a bitch, but there has to be a reason for her to be acting this way. It might not be the most correct piece of advice right now, but you know it's a start." She knew I didn't have a good relationship with my mother. "It never hurts to try."

"So what you're saying is that I should talk to her? Try and understand why she is being," I paused because I didn't want to swear in front of Mrs. Pierce it would be beyond disrespectful. So I settled with "the way she is?"

Karen nodded her head, "That's exactly what I'm trying to say sweetie, maybe she will let you in and so you can identify the problem that's going on within her."

"You have to remember, she doesn't have anyone to talk to, no one to get all of her feelings out on. So she takes them out on the people closest to her. And unfortunately Santana that is," she waited for me to make eye contact with her and continued. "You."

Hearing those words I subconsciously let out a tear, and followed by a few others.

I sat there in the Pierces kitchen with Brittany's hand on my thigh gently squeezing and rubbing at the right moments and I have Karen standing across from me analyzing my every move trying to understand me more. Then I have me, fighting with myself to even accept what is going on in this surreal instant.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Karen was generous enough to allow Carlos and I spend the night, but I declined the offer. I really wanted to get Carlos home in his bed. Today has been a tough day for the both of us; I just want him to be home so he knows not to be afraid of our mom or even being at home.

I called him down from Darrin's room and we put on our shoes said our goodbyes and headed out the door.

We are walking down the drive way when I hear Brittany say "Santana wait!"

I stopped right in my tracks and turned around to see why Brittany told me to wait.

Brittany is jogging towards me with her arms wide open; suddenly our bodies' crashed together. She swung her arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly into her.

"I'll always be here Santana, anything you need I'm here." She said in an almost whisper. "Carlos too." I can feel she is smiling because her cheek moved against mine.

I got shivers when she spoke because she said it right in my ear.

"Thank you Brittany." I was happy that I found someone that actually cares about me and Carlos.

I was thrilled that that person was _Brittany Pierce._

I honestly didn't want to let go of her, she was so warm and comforting. I wanted this moment to last forever, with her in my arms and with me in hers. But I knew I had to make it home even though it's late.

"My pleasure Santana," She started to release her grip on me and continued. "Honestly."

She looked at me right in the eyes with her hands gripping my forearms. I just looked in her beautiful blue orbs glowing so bright in the moon light.

We starred at each other for a while, I couldn't find it in me too look away or even move. _I felt like I was frozen in time. _ All I could do is smile; she had this passionate power over me.

I felt a tug on my shirt and it snapped me back to reality. I let go of Brittany and thanked her again then continued on our walk.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Carlos and I arrived at the house in a record time; the walk from the Pierce's to our home took us only 20 minutes.

Half way through the walk I stopped and picked up Carlos and put him on my back piggy back style. I did this because he was falling asleep while walking and I felt bad.

I walked up the door step; I fetched my keys out of my pocket and proceeded to put the house key in the lock on the door. I tried to turn it but it wouldn't turn right or left. _What the heck?_

I placed Carlos down on one of the chairs on our porch and tried it again.

No luck.

_Maybe I'm using the wrong key. _It is dark out so I checked which key I was using. _Hum it's the right one._

I tried one last time; third time's the charm, right?

Again no luck, the door didn't open.

* * *

**Uh oh, what's going to happen?**

**Review please, gives me the support to carry on.  
Right now I'm not too sure if I'm going to keep going or not. Let me know.**


	9. Chapter 9

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Sorry this is a little late been having a little issues with writers block but low and behold #9!**

* * *

_Chapter 9_

I left Carlos on the front porch in the chair and I headed towards the back yard to see if the back door was open.

It was so dark back there it was hard to see let alone see where I was walking, I tried to make sure I didn't run into anything. That was the most challenging part of it all.

Once I finally reached the back of the house, I tried the door. _Locked. _Crud, what am I going to do now?

I can try the window, but there are no guarantees that it will be open, or even unlocked for that matter.

I walked towards the window and attempted to open it. _Success, _it was open. _What a miracle it was even unlocked._

I pulled it all the way over to the right and I climbed inside trying to avoid the curtains hanging down in front of the window.

When I got inside I turned around and shut the window along with the curtains.

It was even darker in here than it was outside; no lights were on what so ever. Luckily I sorta know my way around the house. I turn on the nearest light which happens to be a lamp. I have to close my eyes because it's so bright.

I open my eyes slightly so I can get used to the brightness illuminating from the lamp.

When my eyes are fully adjusted I open them up all the way and I see my mom lying on the couch passed out. She was still in the same clothing she wore when Carlos and I left a few hours earlier.

On the coffee table there was a bottle of Jack Daniels. No cup, no ice, nothing just an empty bottle.

_Oh dear god, she drank the whole bottle to herself._

I just shook my head because I knew I had to take care of Carlos first, before I had to deal with my mother's mess. He always came first to me.

I walked towards the front door and opened it and Carlos is still sitting in the chair sleeping.

I picked him up; a few moans escaped his mouth and I carried him up to his room. Once I finally reached his room I set him down on the bed and took off his shoes and placed them by his night stand then tucked him under the covers.

I kissed the top of his head and then left his room with his shoes in my hand.

_It's now time to take care of my drunken mother. Lucky me..._

So I proceeded down the stairs and put Carlos's shoes and mine on the shoe rack then headed towards the living room where my mom was still sleeping.

I debated on waking her up and moving her up into her bedroom or just put a blanket over her with a bucket beside the couch.

I figured she deserved to be in a proper bed to sleep off the alcohol in her system so I decided on waking her up.

I tapped on her shoulder and called out "Madre, wake up." That didn't work.

So I tried again, "Mom," I shook her shoulder and continued. "Mom wake up!"

_Wow she must be in a deep sleep_.

I raised my voice this time, and nothing happened. She didn't even move. Her chest was the only thing that was moving, up and down.

So at least I know she is alive.

I can't do anything more at this point; she won't wake up when I try. I don't want to start making noise to wake her up just in case she gets angry with me. So I chose to just grab the blanket resting on the chair and drape it over her. I went into the basement closet and snatched an empty bucket; in case she wakes up sick and she doesn't have to rush to the bathroom. After getting the bucket I placed it beside the couch parallel to her head.

I picked up the empty bottle and tossed it in the recycling bin. Something caught my eye that was in the recycling bin; I bent down and picked up a plastic package. I turned it towards the light so I can read what it was used for. It said 'LOCK' on the top of the package. _So she changed the lock, which is why I couldn't get in the house. Wow. _I tried to shake off the feeling of not being wanted in my own home so I then turned off the lamp and headed up stairs in my room for a well deserved sleep.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I lied awake in my bed for a while; I couldn't get my mind to stop thinking about the lock she changed on the front door. It was actually quite annoying and upsetting at the same time. I tried to clear my thoughts but millions of others came rushing in. I honestly couldn't control them and they were getting out of hand. I've been up for a good 17 hours straight.

I still had that water bottle beside my bed from a few nights ago so I took a few sips out of it thinking it would make me sleep. _Wrong answer there. _ I turned on my iPod hoping the music will help me. _Didn't work. _I then turned on my ceiling fan to see if the cool air would make me fall asleep. _Nope. Still awake._

I had enough of this, it has been 2 hours since I got in my bed and I'm still awake. I've just been lying here, my body is so exhausted but for some reason I can't get to sleep. So I got up and walked to the bathroom to see if there is any type of sleeping pill I could take. I was beyond desperate at this point.

I rummaged through the medicine cabinet, and the multiple drawers. _Of course, no luck._

This is absolutely ridiculous. I walked back to my bed and got settled in and closed my eyes. I still wasn't able to sleep so I just lied there with my eyes closed hoping time will go by and I'll be able to sleep, just then Carlos stumbled in.

He opened my door and peaked his head through the door.

"Tana?" He paused to see if I would respond. "Are you awake?"

I didn't move because I was comfortable and was just want to eventually pass out.

Carlos walked fully into my room and stood beside my bed looking at me then he spoke up again, "Can I sleep in here with you Tana? I had a bad dream."

I rolled over and just patted the space beside me.

He crawled in and no words were spoken after that, we both fell into a silent sleep.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I'm so terrible at remembering to close my curtains at night; I constantly forget. _And I wonder why I wake up early. _I rise awake when the sun beams through my window and streams until it hits my place on the bed.

Once the sun rays meet my body I slowly open my eyes. As I'm waking up I feel something move in my bed. (Meanwhile I completely forgot that Carlos came and slept with me last night.) I freaked and thought it was some stranger or something so I kicked him off of the bed. Not in the 'told him to leave' kind of way. I mean I _kicked_ him. And I kicked him _HARD._

Seconds later after I extend my leg to kick Carlos, all you heard was a **THUD **followed by a loud cry. "Ow!"

I insanely clued in that I just kicked my brother and I might have injured him. "Oh my gosh!" I breathed in, "Carlos I'm so sorry." I placed my hand on my mouth because I can't believe what I just did.

I felt really bad; I didn't mean to kick him. In my defence I thought he was an intruder or something.

"What the heck was that for Santana?" he was upset. Carlos very rarely used my full name.

"I didn't mean to," I got up off the bed to help him get to his feet and sit on the bed. "Seriously I'm so sorry bud."

He didn't say anything.

"Are you hurt?" I asked cautiously.

Not only was Carlos kicked off the bed and landed on the hardwood floor, but he was also woken up from a deep well needed sleep. So he was slightly aggravated with me.

"What do you think? I got kicked off a 2 foot bed and landed on the floor unexpectedly." He looked at me and put on a fake smile. "I'm just peachy, just peachy" Let's say sarcasm was on his side too.

"I'm honestly so sorry Carlos, I forgot you came into my room last night and slept in my bed." My voice was soft and apologetic. "I promise bud, I didn't mean too. I thought you were an intruder or something." I put my arm around his shoulder and brought him closer to me.

He sighed heavily. "It's okay, I forgive you Tana." He put his arm around my waist and continued. "Next time I come to sleep in your room just remind me to put a mat or a cushion on the ground beside your bed." He ended in a laugh.

All I could do it smile, he forgives me already and he's joking around with me again.

"I promise it won't happen again." I held out my pinky to gesture a pinky promise.

He held out his and joined our pinkies. We said 'promesa' in unison and rocked our hands up and down. This was our way to keep our promises within each other.

Once we separated our hands my stomach growled loudly.

Carlos looked at my stomach and said "Well someone must be hungry."

I nodded and said "I sure am, are you hungry too?"

I got up off my bed and waited for him to answer my question.

Carlos thought for a moment or two and spoke up "Actually, yeah I kinda am."

"Great, get dressed and meet me down stairs for breakfast."

He exited my room without being told twice.

I put on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and made it down stairs before Carlos was finished getting ready himself.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Once I reached the bottom of the stairs there was this repulsive smell in the air. It almost made me gag. _What is that nasty smell and where is it coming from?_

I stepped off the stairs carefully because I didn't know what or where it was coming from.

My line of vision matched up with my mother on the couch still just lying there. And I clued in that she must have been sick last night.

_You got to be kidding me; I have to clean this horrid mess up. Kill me now._

I took a second to collect my thoughts and to make a mental plan on what I'm going to do.

First of all I grabbed that puke filled bucket and put it outside in the back yard I'll rinse it out with the hose when I get everything in order. Once the bucket was gone, the smell is just about gone but it's still coming off of my mom.

Carlos reached the main floor and walked into the living room where I was tending to our mother.

He just stood there and looked at me and Madre with a confused look on his face.

"Carlo can you make some cereal for yourself this morning bud?" If he could fend for himself then it gives me more time to clean up.

He is still just staring at me stopped in his tracks, "Uh- Yeah I guess so..." He placed his index and thumb finger around his nose to block out the smell. He headed towards the kitchen to make himself breakfast.

With that I pulled off the blanket and woke up my mom slowly. I called out her name twice and she woke up this time. _Thank god._

"I'm going to take you up stairs so you can freshen up." I informed her so she is aware of why I'm carrying her up the stairs.

She nodded and moaned so I took that as a yes and proceeded to lift her up into my arms.

Luckily she is a small older Latina that doesn't weigh more than 100 pounds.

I reached her room and slowly placed her on the bed. "I'm going to run the shower so get in whenever you're ready." I said walking towards her en suite bathroom.

I turned on the shower and made it into a warm comfortable temperature. Not too hot and not too cold.

After that I looked though her medicine cabinet and found the bottle of Advil and put 2 pills on the counter by the sink along with a cup of water. I'm sure she has a wicked hangover and Advil sometimes helps get rid of the headache that follows.

I grabbed her towels off the back of the door and placed them by the edge of the shower.

Once I got everything prepared for her I walked back into her bedroom and she is still lying there. I said "Okay, everything is ready for you to go have a shower."

"Mhm," was all she said. I think she was scared of opening her mouth just in case more vomit came out.

I left her room having conflicted feelings.

She clearly didn't want Carlos and I back in the house, otherwise she wouldn't have changed the locks without telling me. Why was I helping her, I should just leave her to rot on the couch and not assist her at all. But after all she is my mother and I do love her but I dislike the way she is treating me and Carlos lately. I still need to talk to her about what is going on with her. Also why she is all of a sudden hitting me, getting drunk in the middle of the day and taking it all out on me when I've done nothing wrong. Yeah I forgot to do the dishes but that is no reason to act that way towards me.

I made my way downstairs and I went to check up on Carlos.

"How's your cereal Carlo?" My stomach was just growling at this point, no it was roaring.

He looked up at me and took another spoon full of Corn Flakes and just chewed his food.

"Okay..." I walked towards the kitchen table and spoke again. "Why are you giving me the silent treatment?"

He didn't say anything just continued eating.

_What did I do so terribly wrong to him, oh ya that's right _nothing_._

"Alrighty then." I grabbed the dish soap and left the kitchen.

I walked outside in the backyard to clean the bucket. I placed it in the middle of the yard on its side and got the hose ready to spray it down.

I turned on the water and aimed the hose at the bucket and started to wash the bucket. I added in some soap so it can be completely washed and clean from the vomit.

I couldn't help myself, but I was gagging the whole time, it was nasty. _Remind me never to have kids; I couldn't do this on a daily basis._

I walked towards the faucet and turned off the water and hung the hose back up on the rack. Then I grabbed the bucket and placed it in the sun so it can dry fully.

Feeling satisfied with the work, I grabbed the soap and headed back in the kitchen.

Carlos is still sitting in his chair but his breakfast is done, I can still hear the shower going so I'm guessing my mom is in it showering.

I grabbed a bowl, spoon, the carton of milk, and the box of Honey Nut Cheerios. I poured the cereal into the bowl followed by the milk.

Took my regular seat at the table and sat and ate in silence since Carlos is still ignoring me.

We were watching some cartoon that wasn't really interesting. I finished my breakfast and my stomach feels a lot better.

I grabbed Carlos's bowl and spoon along with mine and then put them in the dishwasher and put away the milk and Cheerios.

I didn't have anything planned for today besides talking to my mom so I went to my room and decided to clean it.

I dusted, vacuumed, put away my clean and dirty laundry, windex-ed my mirror, made my bed and organized my desk.

I everything that I owned had a specific place in my room. And if it's not in that place then I kinda go a little insane. I guess you can say I have OCD that way. But I like to know where my belongings are and so I don't lose anything.

As I'm cleaning my room I have my music on blasting That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette.

Clearly it was a little too loud because I didn't hear my mom come in. I was too busy cleaning and singing along and maybe a little bit of dancing.

You know when you get that feeling that someone is watching you? Yeah that's what I got so I turned around and there my mom was leaning up against my door frame all showered and staring at me.

I was a little taken back that she was just standing there watching me, so I panicked a little and went to my iPod and turned my music off.

We just starred at each other for quite some time just taking in each other's presents until she spoke up.

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**Ouuu, what are they going to talk about?**

**Review please guys, I'll love y'all forever I promise :)**


	10. Chapter 10

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Thank you for all of you who have reviewed and stuck with me thus far, much appreciated!**

**I still can't believe me out of all people is writing a story. But thanks again :)**

**Enjoy the tenth chapter mates.**

* * *

_Chapter 10_

"I think we need to have a talk Santana." She still had a little bit of attitude in her voice.

I knew this had to happen and it wasn't avoidable. I couldn't run away like I usually do, I couldn't stay away from this much longer.

I kept repeating the advice Karen was telling me in her kitchen the day before. I remembered Brittany's hand on my thigh and how it made me feel. This made me calm down a little bit.

"Okay," I nodded and sighed slightly.

I put down the duster I had in my hand and took a seat at the head of my bed with my legs crossed as my mom did the same but at the end so we are sitting face to face. We had a little bit of room between us which I was thankful for. _Never know when she is going to strike at me again._

She took a long deep breath in. "I'm not a hundred percent sure where to start but I guess starting that is half the battle."

I looked up from my steady gaze at my nails and made eye contact with her.

What she said was true; I guess we are both in the same boat with this conversation. We don't know what way this chat is going to go and I think that is the most terrifying part of it all.

"Okay," I repeated. I'm not sure if I should star first or not. So I let her take the lead.

"For every action we humans do there is always a reason for it." _Does she think I'm dumb? I know this. _

I nodded and hummed "Mhm," I didn't want to interrupt her too much because I want to know why she acted the way she did.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is a reason why I've been acting the way I have been lately," She paused; you can tell this is hard for her to talk about. "And you should be aware of the reason why Santana."

"Yes please enlighten me, I would appreciate it." I didn't intend it to come out sarcastic at all, but I guess it comes natural to me and it just rolled off my tongue.

My mom stopped and raised both eye brows and waited for me to understand what I just did isn't helping the situation at all.

"Sorry, habbit." Was all I said.

She looked down at the floor to try and word what she wanted to say, you can tell she was thinking and thinking hard. You could almost see the wheels in her head turning and turning.

A few silent moments went by. I didn't mind because I was trying to figure out reasons why she was acting the way she was. And in those moments I came up with nothing, it must be really bad. So I just decided to let her take her time to tell me.

I sat there trying to be patient with her, I was tapping my fingers on my knees to try and distract myself from the awkward silence in my room. Before I knew it she opened her mouth then closed it suddenly. _Well I'm glad she has a filter._

"What I'm going to tell you is going to be hard for you to comprehend. So please bear with me, please." I can tell she was being serious, the pleading in her voice was so surreal and I've never heard my mom speak this way before.

_What is she going to tell me that is so hard to understand?_

"Alright," I said slowly

I was really nervous on what she was going to say, my heart started to speed up with every silent second that went by. I tried to focus on something else but nothing came to my mind that was positive then suddenly I thought of Brittany, Brittany and her soft arms around me telling me she will always be here for me.

I was now calm and ready for what she had to tell me.

I looked up at her to show her I'm prepared. _It's now or never. _She got the message and spoke up.

"Your father has recently been in contact with my lawyer."

_What? Did I just hear her properly? My __**father**__? The man that left me and my family. What the fuck does he want?_

She gave me some time to process the information just thrown at me. I couldn't take my thoughts anymore and I had many, many questions.

First thing that came out of my mouth was, "What the fuck does he want?" _See no filter._

She smiled a little.

"What's so funny, this isn't funny Madre. Seriously, what the fuck does he want?" I was getting anxious; I didn't know how to handle this.

"It's not that it's funny Santana,-"

"Then what is it mom? Why did you smile?" I cut her off because I was concerned on why the heck he is getting in contact with her lawyer after all this time.

She defended herself. "I smiled because that is exactly what I said to Ted when he told me." _Oh._

I sat back in my seat a little but I'm still on edge with this.

"So are you going to answer me, what the hell does he want?" This was fucking bull shit, I couldn't deal with this.

"First of all Santana relax." She used some hand gestured to try and calm me down, but ironically it made me tenser.

"You want me to relax?" I laughed out loud. "Now that is funny, this is the man that left us, he left us mom and you think I'm going to relax?"

"You need to listen to what I have to say." She paused and waited for me to answer her.

"Get on with it already." I was completely done with this conversation and I wanted it to go away.

"Your father left us 10 years ago." _No shit, I already know this mom, just get to the point. _"And in those 10 years he has been going to counselling and getting help for his many problems."

"It took him 10 years to figure out what he did was wrong, that is absolute bullshit!" I wasn't having any of this stupid story.

"Santana stop," She held up her hand and continued. "Keep your mouth shut until I'm finished explaining!" She raised her voice. _Oh there is the tone I love and missed._

All I did was sigh in my place. He didn't deserve an explanation on why he was a coward or why he left.

"Thank you, this will go by a lot smoother if I could just get it all out there." She took a second to herself before continuing.

Meanwhile I'm literally freaking out inside. But I figured if I let her talk then the faster I can get out of here. So I gave her a shot.

"First of all I want to apologise to you personally Santana. I know I've been a little out in left field lately, and I've been acting strange and I'm sorry for that. Yeah you don't deserve it, and I've been seriously hard on you since he left. I guess my expectations sky rocketed since then and you haven't quite met them, but you're doing a good job." You can tell this was hard for her to make an apology to me. But this still didn't answer any questions I had.

"Yeah, so why were you acting that way towards me then mom?" This is ridiculous.

"Okay, as you know now your father has contacted Ted but he also got approved to gain some custody of you and Carlos." She faded the last few words.

"You've got to me bloody kidding me mom, and YOU allowed this?" Wholly crap this can't be serious. "Does he really think I'm going to forgive him just like that, just like nothing even happened? What a basket case."

"I don't really have any other choice in the matter." She was looking at the ground while speaking.

"Isn't there any legal documents that you guys signed or something, take this to court and fight it, because I really don't want him in my life." This is mindboggling. "There has to be some other way."

"When he left we met with our lawyers together and compromised, the document says that when a psychologist approves his mental state he can try to apply for custody again. And apparently he passed."

_This is unbelievable, is that psychologist even authorized to be one? Sure doesn't sound like it._

"So wait let me get this straight, you were acting out on me because dad is now back in the picture?" This really isn't making any sense to me.

"Mhm. I know it's not a reason to but you just remind me of him so much and I will never forget the way he screwed all of our lives up."

"I really hope you know the type of damage you've done to me and Carlos over the past few days."

"I understand Santana..."

"Do you really mom, do you really though? Think about it please, because that is a bullshit reason on why you did this to us." I tried to compose myself. "You changed the locks for fucks sake, what were you thinking locking your kids out?"

I didn't give her time to answer I was fuming.

"You hit me mom, you actually hit me." Tears are now starting to form in my eyes.

"I can't believe you would do this to us, I really did mean everything I said to you." Just wanted to get that out there asap.

"Santana you have to understand."

"But I don't! It's a stupid reason, a stupid excuse, just so stupid." I got off my bed and stood up.

"You have to understand, you need to comprehend what the fuck you did to me. I'm completely fucked up because of you. I really hope you're satisfied with yourself. You're the one to blame not him. I can see why he left, FUCK THIS." I can't do this.

"Santana please..." She was pleading towards me; it's not going to work this time mom... nice try.

"This is fucking stupid, you can tell dad that I'm never going to accept him ever so he can just go back to doing drugs and drinking up a storm because that is what he is best at." I turned around I couldn't look at my mom any longer.

"You can leave now." With that I bowed my head and looked at the floor. Moments later I heard my door click closed.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I really don't know what to do anymore; I'm honestly conflicted with my emotions with this absurd situation.

I don't think pacing back and forth in my room is going to change anything about it.

_Why am I so blessed with these great people I call my parents?_ They are the reason I am the person I am. They are the reason I'm such a bitch and don't let anyone in, they both messed me up. I'm surprised I'm not drinking and doing drugs because it sure runs in my family, I'm sure I will eventually just give it time.

What do I do now? Really wish I could just run away and honestly never come back. That would be the best wish of all.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A few minutes later when I was finally calming down I picked up the home phone and dialed Brittany's number I had programmed in.

_Should I follow through with this? I can't just ask to say there for a few days. I hate inviting myself to places, it's so rude. Ugh I can't, I don't know..._

Before I know it my thoughts were broken to the soft voice of Brittany on the other end of the phone. Initially I didn't speak up, there was still time to hang up and forget about it.

"_Hello?" then she paused. "Hellooooo? Is anyone there?"_

"Yeah. Hi Brittany, it's Santana." I was quiet and shy. _A first for me._

"_Oh Santana hey! What's up girl?" _She was so happy and chipper I couldn't ruin her mood by laying my problems on her.

"Nothing really. You?" There was a little bit of a silence then she spoke again.

"_What's wrong Santana? You don't sound like yourself is there something bothering you?" _Her voice was so sincere like she understood me.

"A little bit yeah..." I usually don't let people know I'm struggling with something. But Brittany was different I felt like I could talk to her without no judgement.

I was trying to hold back all of the emotion that I was wrestling with.

"_Well you know you can tell me anything." _I did know this, which is why my fingers dialed her number before anyone else's. I was about to speak up then she beat me to it. _"Better yet. Why don't you come over and you can spend the night here and we can talk. Have like a girl's night or something?" _She knew exactly what I needed, how does she know me so well. I swear she is psychic or something.

"Uh- are you sure? I don't want to intrude Brittany." I honestly didn't want to intrude on the Pierces but I wanted to go so bad. _Please say yes, please say yes._

"_Of course silly, I'll reserve the basement for us and it will just be us two. No interruptions." _You can tell she was smiling at the end of the sentence. It made me kinds of nervous. What did she specifically imply? _Who cares I get to leave and go to the Pierces._

"As long as it's okay with your parents Brittany I really don't want to interfere or anything." I hated this feeling. I wanted to go so badly, but what if I'm not welcome? Yeah I babysit their children but I don't want to randomly show up at their house it could just be strictly for business purposes.

"_Now you are being ridiculous Santana my family loves you. I'll be expecting you in a half an hour. See you soon girly!" _She sounded so happy and it was contagious. It's exactly what I needed.

"If you insist Brittany, I'll see you then. Bye." And I hung up.

With that rustled around my room until I found my blue duffle bag. I packed the bag in record time. I honestly couldn't wait to get out of here and try to understand what is going on.

Inside the bag I packed a tee-shirt, shorts, socks, underwear, a bra and pajamas. I added in my tooth brush, hair brush, a few hair ties (because I know how my hair can be), my deodorant and red nail polish. _Never know when that will come in handy._

I know leaving isn't the ideal way to deal with this. But I needed to be with someone who understood me and will give me advice that I can act on.

I'm so grateful for having Brittany to turn to in these situations. I know we haven't known each other for a long period of time. But it feels like when we're together we've known each other for years upon years. We just click so easy. _A little more than expected._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I walked out of my house with no words spoken to me. My mom clearly saw me with a bag and didn't say anything.

But before that I stopped by Carlos's room and told him I'm going to Brittany's house for a sleep over and I'll call home periodically to talk to him.

I really didn't want to leave him alone with my mom in the house but it is what I have to do. Maybe my mom will take this opportunity to tell Carlos about the whole situation with my father. I didn't want to be the one to tell him it wasn't my responsibility; I couldn't do that to him. I want to be the cushion for him to fall back on not the one tearing him down. I'll leave that part to my mother.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The walk was perfect. The fresh air was just the thing I needed. _Inhale and exhale._ I took long deep breaths the whole way over to Brittany's house; it calmed my nerves and heart beat down to a bare minimum.

With all of these crazy emotions running though my head I needed some way to calm them down. From nervousness too frightened to happiness to angry all in one night was a little bit overwhelming for me to handle that's for sure.

Thirty minutes later like Brittany guessed I'm walking up the drive way up to the front porch. I raised my left hand to knock on the door. _Knock. Knock. Knock. _

I waited until one of the Pierces answered.

I heard the door handle turn and suddenly the door was opened and Brittany appeared on the other side. _Damn she was beautiful no matter what time of day._

I couldn't help but stare a little; I was taking mental pictures of her in my head. I could never forget those baby blue eyes and that perfect smile.

"You going to step in, or are you going to stand on my porch the whole night drooling?" She had a little flirt in her voice.

_Was I that noticeable? Is drool really escaping my mouth?_

I touched the corner of my mouth to see if I was in fact drooling and I was. _Wow this is embarrassing. _I wiped away the drool and said, "I think I might just say out here and enjoy the view." I didn't want her to think I'm an idiot so I just made a joke instead.

"Okay, suit yourself." She started to close the door slowly.

"Wait, no, I'm kidding!" I jumped forward and placed my hand on the door so she doesn't close it any further.

Brittany opened the door all the way and let me in. As I'm taking off my shoes she speaks up again. "If you are going to joke around, you might want to use different material." She nudged my arm and winked at the same time.

My breath hitched in my throat and I couldn't form any words so I just plastered a smirk on my face.

_This is going to be a long night._

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**I know it's a short update but I just got a job so the updates might not be exactly Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. **

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	11. Chapter 11

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Updates are now going to be only on Tuesdays and Fridays.  
Way too busy lately, sorry for the inconvenience.**

**Chapter hash-tag eleven.**

* * *

_Chapter 11_

Brittany led me into their living room where Mr. and Mrs. Pierce are sitting comfortably watching the news. I still felt slightly uncomfortable for just coming over.

"Ah, Santana. How do you do?" Mr. Pierce always tried to be funny sometimes it didn't work, and sometimes it did. But right now it was perfect timing and made me laugh.

So I played along. "Very well Sir thank you." I said as I made a bowing gesture.

That got the whole family laughing.

"Well played." Brittany said as she patted my back gently.

I looked too my right where she was standing and said "Thanks, is that more suitable material for you?"

All she did was laugh and smile as she led me out of the living room towards the kitchen.

"Hungry?" She said opening the fridge as I took a seat on one of the chairs.

"Sure, what do you have?" I didn't like being greedy but I truly was hungry and she offered.

"Humm, I can make grilled cheese if you want?" With that she looked down at me with her soft baby blue eyes. _That look will never get old._

"Only if you're having one too." I didn't want to be the only one eating.

She laughed as she got out the butter and cheese. "Do you really think I'd make you food? That's your job don't you remember?" Brittany placed the items on the counter and made her way to the bread cupboard.

"Oh how could I forget so easily?" I said sarcastically. She just laughed. _What a cute laugh._

Brittany got everything prepared and she looked like she could handle it herself. But what kind of guest would I be if I didn't offer my assistance.

"Do you need any help?" I didn't really want to help because there was something inside me that I just wanted to sit there and watch her move around the kitchen. _She was beyond captivating._

"I'd thought you'd never ask." She turned around and smiled at me as I rose from the chair I was sitting in.

I walked over to the counter top and I didn't know what she wanted me to do so I asked. "What would you like me to do Miss Pierce?"

Brittany rose her head and looked at me; she had a surprised look on her face because I used a fake British accent.

"Well Miss Lopez why don't you help me butter this bread?" She returned the accent but she did a way better job than me. It actually sounded like she could be from Britain.

I was in awe with her ability to use a British accent. I didn't want to embarrass myself anymore so I spoke normally. "You're going to have to teach me how to perfect my accent."

I picked up a slice of bread and started to butter one side still thinking of the way her voice just changed like that. "If you say so, it's not very hard. You'll pick it up, guaranteed."

We continued to make the grilled cheese in silence. The silence wasn't awkward or anything, it was quite comfortable to be in Brittany's presents.

She made me eat the first one, she actually insisted because I'm the guest. There was no arguing with her with this stuff, because I'm sure she will win. Not because she's intimidating, just because I know I can't say no to her.

There is something going on inside of me I'm not sure what it is? Why do I feel different when I'm with Brittany? She is changing me slowly. Changing me into this nicer person...? I don't know but I feel my wall slowly crumbling down. I'm not sure if it is a good or bad thing. _I just don't want to get hurt._

I finished my sandwich and waited for Brittany to finish hers. Usually I don't like listening to people eat, it just completely irritates me. With all of the disgusting sounds and just ew. But I swear anything that Brittany does will never seize annoy me, no matter how hard she tries.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I ended up forgetting about my problems at home until Brittany motioned it. We are in the basement just like she said. She suggested watching some TV or even a movie. We settled on TV for now and a movie later.

"I'm glad you called me." She said seriously with her eyes glued to the screen sitting in the lazy boy. _She must like that chair._

I was kind of taken back by her statement because we are in the middle of a TV program. It took me a few moments to register what she had said.

"Yeah me too, thank you for inviting me over Brittany." I looked at her from the futon I usually sit on but she was still watching the screen.

I was serious, I was honestly grateful for her inviting me I tried to portray that in my tone of voice. She must have picked up on it. _What doesn't she miss? Let's be honest this girl catches everything. _Brittany pealed her eyes away from the TV and her blue eyes landed on my chocolate brown ones.

"My pleasure Santana, I felt something wasn't right when you called me earlier and inviting you over was the least I could do." _Can she get any more amazing like really._

"And I appreciate that, I just needed somewhere to go," I didn't want to say what I did but it just slipped out. I was unsure on how she would react. "You were the first person on my list to call." I said detaching our gaze and looked down at the carpet in front of me.

I can tell by the tone of voice Brittany is blushing. "Really? I was first?" _Awh, she's so cute._

"Actually yeah, Britt you were first, I just dialed your number without even registering who I was calling." _I didn't even notice that this was the first time I used the shorter version of her name. But clearly she did._

She didn't say anything her face just went blank. It's like she left the lights on but no one was home.

"Are you okay?" I said hesitantly, I didn't know why she randomly shut off.

"Oh, uh-yeah I'm fine," She said shaking her head back to reality. "It's just-" She stopped what she was saying and didn't continue.

So I encouraged her to keep going. I was curious on why she just blanked. "No, what is it?"

"It's stupid." _Why is she being so timid?_

"I bet it's not, nothing is ever stupid. You can tell me." I really wanted to know, she is intriguing me.

She opened her mouth to try and form words but nothing came out. She tried again and said, "its just no-no one has ever short formed my name before..."

_Wait, is she serious._ Her name is the easiest to do that for.

"Well allow me to be the first." I said offering a smile.

Brittany just nodded in response.

We both turned our attention back to the TV and continued to watch the program. Once the show was done Brittany looked at me and said, "So if you call me Britt, what do I call you?"

"That's not up to me to answer, whatever feels right. Apparently it just comes out naturally." It's true; I didn't even notice I said it.

Brittany put her hand up to her chin and made the thinking face she scrunched her eyebrows and everything.

"Humm." She paused and looked around trying to think of something.

"If you search for it, it's not going to come." I was starting to think I was talking about something else besides a nickname.

She put her hands down and just looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "If you say so." But dragged on the last word.

"I'm serious _Britt_, whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly." I offered a quick smile.

_Kay holds up da phone Lopez, what are you trying to say right now? What are your intentions? _

She didn't say anything, I didn't say anything. No one spoke. I figured it was slightly awkward, because we are talking about nicknames and I kinda went all serious on her ass.

"I'm gunna go use the-the bathroom." I got up and made my way for the stairs.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I used the Pierces facilities and once I was finished I couldn't help but think. My mind was in complete overdrive.

At this point I just wanted to forget about the shit that is going on in my life at home and just focus on tonight with Brittany and not having to deal with anything else right now. These added feelings and emotions I'm going through right now isn't helping my situation.

I just don't know how I'm feeling about her.

Yeah I've had boyfriends before. Puck was my most recent ex. We've been friends for God knows how long. Before everything went downhill with my family, our families used to do weekly dinners and outings together. But since then it's never been the same with our families.

Puck managed to help me though a lot of it, he was a genuine friend. We used to go on walks and he would advise me on how I should deal with a lot of the obstacles I was going through.

A huge plus was Carlos got along with him, really well. They played video games for hours and hours. Sometimes Puck would come over just to see Carlos and not me.

We dated in elementary school, grades 7 through 8 to be exact, my life was still on the fence and everything else was still tough to deal with.

But at random Puck started to change into a completely different person than who I've always known. He started to go through these stages. First he was all clingy and up in my grill sorta deal, then he became very distant, and then he was over protective. His actions and behaviour were all over the map. He was something else I had to keep my eye out for and I didn't need to babysit him that wasn't my job.

We went to this party his best friend Finn was throwing, it was a graduation party. There was alcohol involved and I got pretty sloshed. I don't quite remember much, well nothing after the last shot I took then I blacked out.

Blacking out is one of the scarcest things that has ever happened to me. Not knowing what you did, or what is going on. The last thing I remembered was standing in the kitchen taking shots with a group of people then the next thing I remember is waking up on my front yard with my pants undone, shirt ripped and my shoes off.

I don't know how I got there; I don't know what on earth happened to me. I don't remember anything in between those two events. And that scares the shit out of me, so much stuff could have happened.

Eventually, rumors spread around the school saying that Puck and I had sex. It could have happened; I don't remember I honestly don't. So I asked Puck himself. He was surprised I couldn't remember that we in fact had sex on my front lawn. Apparently I was the one encouraging him. Who knows.

What I find funny is that Finn's house is at least 10 blocks away from mine, so how did I even walk home and not kill myself on the way. I didn't even know Puck left the party with me. The whole thing is a blur; really wish I never got intoxicated to begin with, because I would have liked my first time to be memorable and not just some blacked out drunken sex parade.

So after the rumors stopped, others started. Apparently I became the school slut and slept with everyone including the teachers. Okay please tell me when this exactly happened? Just to make it clear, it didn't.

Us girls, we find out everything. I found out a few days later that Puck was the one who started the rumor about me.

Who does that? What did I do to you to make you start a rumor about me? We were best friends and then an item then you go ahead and do this to me? You pretty much raped me on my front lawn and now I'm the slut? Please explain that to me how that even works.

So I broke up with his sorry ass and since then I haven't been involved with anyone. To be honest I'm just too scared of getting hurt again. Yeah I act tough but I really don't want to have this massive pile of damage hanging on my shoulders for the next person to come along and dig and sort through.

I've had crushes since Puck, but nothing too serious.

I'll admit I might have a crush on Brittany. If what you call a crush is being attracted to that person then shall be it. She is a pretty girl; I'm not going to lie about that. I'm sure if you ask anyone on the street they would agree with me.

But I feel as when we are together it just feels right to be with her. I haven't felt that way before about anyone to be honest. Don't ask me why because I don't know. It just feels good. _Wait...What am I saying? I don't know; I don't get anything right now. So confused._

This is what I need to figure out, and the only way to do that is to woman up and face the music. I can't hide in this bathroom forever and never confront my feelings. It's not possible. I just have to be careful no matter what I do.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I returned to the basement with 2 glasses of Coke with ice cubes in it for Brittany and me. I guess you can say I felt a little guilty for taking a while in the bathroom. Once your mind goes down that thinking track there is no going back.

"Mmm, thank you Santana." Brittany said as I was handing her the beverage.

"So now what do you want to do Britt?" I said settling into the futon.

"How about you tell me what really is going on." I froze. I was in the middle of taking a sip of my drink and I just stopped in my tracks.

_What is she talking about? Does she know I have a crush on her? Is she talking about what I said earlier? Oh god...She knows._

"Uh-what do you mean?" I tried my hardest to act cool and not to crack.

She took her sweet time to answer my question meanwhile I'm literally doing front hand springs in my mind.

Finally after making me suffer for what feels like an eternity she says, "Why you called me."

_Wholly cow_, a whole sign of relief lifted off of me. I was positive she was talking about something completely different.

"Oh ya that." I didn't want to talk about it right now. I just went through a marathon of gymnastics upstairs I really don't want to repeat it.

"It will never go away if you don't talk about it you know." Was all she said to me.

Brittany was right; I can't keep it in and never deal with it. All of my feelings will build and build after time and then when I can't take it anymore I will explode. And I can promise you that it won't be pretty.

She was patient, she never pushed me to tell her what and why I called her for. She just let me analyze the situation and take my time with it. It was very nice of her and I appreciated it.

A solid 7 minutes go by and I'm still trying to think of a way to explain this to her without getting my emotions all in a bunch.

Since she already knew about my father leaving and with my mother acting all weird there wasn't much information to fill her in on. But it was sure overwhelming news.

"Okay," I took a deep breath and said to myself _it's now or never._ "I had that talk with my mom today..."

I explained the whole story to her. It was hard for me to contain my emotions, they were high and low. But there was something about Brittany that kept me so calm when telling her. It was almost like she wasn't even there and I was just sitting there talking to myself.

All she did was nod her head along with my story. She never once interrupted me when I was in the middle of explaining it to her. _There needs to be more people like Brittany in this world._

Once my story was done she got up off of the lazy boy and stood in front of me looking down at me.

"What?" I looked up at her with a confused expression.

"Stand up." Was all she said still standing in front of me.

So I complied with what she said and stood up. She extended her arms and pulled me into a well needed hug. _This is exactly just what I needed from her. _A simple embrace explains everything you can't.

I had a firm grip on her. I didn't want to let her go actually I wanted to stay here. I let out a few silent tears and continued to squeeze her to try and make the pain go away.

I'm not sure if the tears were for the problems in my life or the conflicted feelings towards her.

Here I am, vulnerable as ever and all Brittany did was take me in her arms. That's all it took for me to feel like someone cared and actually gave a shit about Santana Lopez.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A few comfortable hours go by and things felt different between us. Not a bad different but a good one. It could be because I opened up to her when I rarely do, to anyone. I showed her a side of me that I certainly don't show anyone that has the ability to tare me down just as quickly. But I like this; I'm feeling content for the first time in a long time. Even with the crap that is going on right now, I'm actually happy sitting here on this futon watching TV, drinking soda and eating junk food with Brittany.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"Do you want to go and get ready for bed, but we can pop in a movie and watch that?" Brittany suggested to me an hour or so later.

It is getting late actually; the wall clock reads 12:16am.

"Yeah sounds good to me." All I wanted was a restful sleep and that time is near so I was happy, anything when it comes to sleep. _You know me_.

We both rise from our seats and make our way up stairs; I bring my bag along with me to the bathroom I'm oh so familiar with. At the same time Brittany went up another flight of stairs to reach the top floor of her home to her bedroom.

I got changed into my red boxer shorts and my baggie black t-shirt. I pulled out the tooth brush out of my bag and brushed em suckers clean.

After that I'm finished. I walked out of the bathroom the same time Brittany reached the bottom of the stairs. _Can you say perfect timing?_

We both walked to the basement in our pajamas.

Once we reached the bottom of the stairs Brittany went right to her chair and I figured I'd sit on the futon. I crossed my legs uncertain on what to do next. A part of me wanted to sleep and other part wanted to stay up and be with Brittany.

"Want to watch a movie now?" She stood up and walked towards the movie stand.

"Yeah sure," Anything to spend more time with her.

This is what you call a movie collection the Pierces had every movie you could possibly think of. It was insane; I wonder how long it took them to make a collection like this.

"Got any preferences on which you want to watch?" She said browsing the massive collection.

I shook my head but her back was faced me so she clearly couldn't see me so I spoke up. "Not particularly, nope."

"As you can tell we have any movie you can think of." She turned around and faced me. "Want to watch something scary or funny?"

"Humm," I honestly didn't know what I was in the mood for.

You know you have to be in a certain type of mood for that specific movie, but right now I honestly didn't care. I was good with anything she chose.

"Have you seen any of the Saw's?" She asked me with her eyes lighting up and you can tell she was excited.

"Uh no I don't think I have." I paused to take in Brittany's jaw dropping facial expression once I said that. "What's it about?"

"Are you serious? You've never seen any of the Saw movies? That's crazy; they are my favourite a little cheesy at times, but still my favourite." She seemed so excited about the movies so I figured we can watch one. I had no clue what they were about. But I guess we will find out.

"Dead serious Britt, in fact I never even heard about them. So let's watch one." She just smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay, okay we will start with the first one then work our way up." She found the DVD box off the shelf, opened it and placed it in the player.

"Sounds good to me." I sat back in the futon and got myself comfortable for the movie to begin.

The opening credits and commercials go by and I can tell she is super excited.

"Do you want me to put the futon down so you can lie down and watch the movie instead of sitting up?" She suggested to me a few minutes in.

"Yeah, actually that sounds like a good idea. Thanks."

I stood up and just watched Brittany transform the couch into a bed. It was quite amazing if you ask me. The bed transforming just so we are clear.

"Thank you, this is so much better." I said as I'm settling into the newly formed bed.

"No problem," she turned off the basement light. It got quite dark when the screen went black.

"Mind if I join you?" Brittany asked once the TV brightened back up.

"No not at all, come on in. This is quite comfortable by the way thanks again." I moved over closer to the wall so she can have room.

She brought over a Dalmatian blanket and her pillow and placed it down on the bed and hopped in.

"It will start soon, sorry I lost the remote a few months ago so we have to watch all of these advertisements."

"Don't even worry about it; I actually like seeing what kind of movies are coming out." I really did so I can add it to my _To Watch Movie List._

Like Brittany said the menu screen popped up seconds later. _Whoa that's kind of scary. What kind of movie did I agree to watch?_

Brittany got up to press play on the DVD player and then came back to the bed. But when she came back she was slightly closer than before. I wasn't complaining that's for sure.

This movie is defiantly strange; gory, creepy, and just plain weird plus scary.

Can you imagine having a clown looking guy with a raspy voice who rides around on a tricycle out to kill you? No thank you, I'll pass.

The movie is almost half way through at this point and it is starting to get scary, I'm not sure if it's because I'm in a pitch black basement or because of the movie.

Brittany seemed to love it so I tried to keep it cool. But I couldn't, one instance I jumped and she just placed her hand on my thigh like she did in her kitchen.

_Oh so if I act scared she will try to comfort me? Humm._

I grabbed her blanket and draped it over me and over my eyes because I didn't want to watch this part. Way to gory for me.

"I can turn it off if you want Santana." She suggested, but I knew how much she loved this movie I couldn't do that to her.

"No it's fine; I think I'll be okay." I said still hiding under the covers.

She scooted closer to me which made me feel better. I forgot about the movie all together. I was concentrated on Brittany lying beside me.

"Come here," She opened up her arms and gestured for me to go.

I'm not going to argue with her so I moved over to her and I placed my head on her chest and just listened to her heart beat. At times it was going faster than others, but that could just be the movie.

She was so warm and cozy. So I snuggled in closer to her.

She did the same thing and put her arm on my back and started to rub it to calm me down. Honestly it was keeping my mind off the movie, but now I'm thinking of something completely different.

The movie is almost done according to Brittany so I just laid here trying not to fall asleep on her chest. I was way too comfortable; the consistent sound of her heart was so soothing it was making me sleepy.

Finally the movie finished. I didn't watch the last 30 minutes all I heard was screaming and yelling beyond her breathing and heart beat.

But now this meant she had to get up, and that means I have to move. But I don't want to move. I want to stay here and fall asleep. She probably won't let me lie back on her when she comes back. _Damn it. _

I moved before she had a chance to tell me. Brittany got up and took out the DVD and placed it back in the case. With the DVD screen illuminating the room she asked, "Want to go to bed now?"

"Yeah sure I'm kinda tired." I said yawning.

Before she turned off the only light source in the basement she flicked on the nearest lamp, and then turned off the TV.

"Okay get ready," She said walking back towards the lamp. "I'm going to turn it off."

"Ready?" She asked me nodding her head.

"Ready." I confirmed.

"3, 2, 1" Then it became dark again, really dark. If you don't know by now I'm slightly afraid of the dark.

"Ah, Britt where are you?"

I felt the bed dip right by me but I still couldn't see anything.

"I'm right here," She said in a whisper right above my face.

* * *

**I know I know y'all are mad at me.  
But this chapter was getting way toooo long. I had to stop it somewhere.  
Don't kill me!  
Review please. :)  
realwhiteplum . tumblr . com - follloowww mee.**


	12. Chapter 12

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**Sorry guys for the wait. I've promised myself I'd never make excuses for this story.**

**So I'm not going to. Y'all know stuff comes up, that's just life.**

**Number 12, twelve, ****douze,****doce, dodici**

* * *

_Chapter 12_

Brittany was right above my face, I could feel her breath on my face. Is it bad the first thought I had was to pull her down on top of me and kiss her? _Yes and no._

"Oh there you are," I said slowly and in a whisper I didn't want to break this moment. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to wrap my arms around her but I didn't know where she stood.

"Here I am." I can tell she was smiling when she spoke. I still can't see anything its way too dark, my eyes haven't adjusted yet. I wish I could see her beautiful eyes. But instead I saw darkness.

Next thing I know I feel her hand reach my face. It instantly shoots tingles all over my body. Every inch of my body felt like it was on fire. I've never felt this way before but it was sure addicting.

Her skin was so soft and when her finger tips grazed over my cheek it was the best feeling I've ever felt. Who knew someone could make you feel this way by just touching your face? If she can make my body feel this way when she touches me I can't imagine how it would feel if she did other things.

There was a few seconds of silence. She was hesitant I knew she wanted to. I wanted her to so badly.

"Do it." Was all I said. I didn't mean to say that in my outside voice but what happened next I was happy that I did.

It didn't take her long to register what I was talking about. I felt the bed slightly move when she was bending down towards me.

With every second that went by, the butterflies in my stomach grew bigger and bigger. It felt like they were going to explode in over me. It was such an unreal feeling and I didn't want it to end. Waiting for our lips to meet felt like hours but it was in mere seconds when her lips finally crashed into mine.

_Wholly fuck!_

I took in a sharp breath because I was surprised and shocked that she actually did it, but in a good way.

Our lips just fit together it's like we have been doing this for years upon years and it was just another kiss.

She tasted like Brittany there was no other way to describe it. She tasted so good it was like she was my drug and I was the addict. I couldn't get enough.

My hands made it up to her back and rested on the crook of her back. I wanted to pull her down on me but I didn't know how she would feel about that.

She smiled into another kiss when I did that. _Too cute. _ It told me that she was enjoying this as much as I was. Then she suddenly pulled away and stopped kissing me. She got up off of the futon and started walking away.

_Wait what the actual fuck?_

"Britt where are you going?" I sat up in the bed I didn't know what was happening.

She kept walking and she headed towards the stairs. _You can't leave me here in the dark. _

I got up and I felt around me I didn't want to bump into anything. "Brittany seriously come back so we can talk about this."

I heard the stairs creak and squeak with every step she took. "Stop please...Brittany come back." I was honestly so overwhelmed with my feelings I started to cry. I didn't know what to do.

_This is why I don't let my guard down to anyone. Fuck this shit. Toughin up Lopez, you don't need her. Gather your things and leave._

I sighed audibly and sat at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't even notice that the creaking and squeaking of the stairs stopped. I was way too distracted by my emotions.

"I'm sorry," is what she said making her way down the stairs. Before reached the bottom of the stairs she flicked on the light then sat beside me on the step.

I didn't say anything, not because I had nothing to say but because I wanted her to explain herself.

"I'm sorry..." She repeated. Does she expect me to say its okay? Because it's not.

_I'm so pissed at you right now; you made me think that you actually liked me. I felt comfortable enough to let down my wall for you. Ironically I didn't have a choice; you broke it down with every look, smile and touch. Then you just crushed me by walking away. You made me crumble under all the remains from my own wall._

I think she sensed I'm slightly pissed off because I haven't said anything to her and I moved away from her when she sat down beside me.

"I think we need to talk about this." Her voice was so soft and upset.

_No fuckin shit we need to talk about this. You look so innocent and shy but then you go ahead a hurt me. Well played._

"Mhm."

She turned towards me on the step and spoke. "Santana you need to understand something about me okay?"

I didn't say anything but she took that as a yes and continued to talk.

"I- I've always known that I'm been different from everyone else. Not n-n-normal if you will." You can tell this is hard for her to talk about so I turned to look at her.

I can relate to what she is saying so I continued to listen to what she has to say.

"Even my parents noticed something was different about me. I couldn't hide from anyone or anything."

"Okay?" I didn't know where this was going.

"What I'm trying to say Santana is that I got bullied at my old school because I was 'too stupid' and 'different' from the other kids at my school." I could tell she didn't want to bring back up those hurtful memories.

I suddenly felt this anger build up inside me, I wanted to go to everyone of those kids that ever made fun of Brittany and beat the sense back into them.

"My parents picked up on it when I came home crying every day, so they sat me down one day and I told them everything that was going on in my life. I'm such an honest person. I don't find the point in lying. I needed to be honest with them but most importantly," she paused and looked down at the ground then continued. "With myself."

I wish I could be honest with myself and not fight with myself constantly.

"They decided to pack up everything and move to this house. Darrin wasn't happy about it because he had a lot of friends there but my parents told him that he would make new ones at his new school." She started to get a little off topic so I redirected the conversation.

"What did you tell your parents?" Maybe I can take some pointers on this.

"Well I told them I'm not sure who I am or who I want to be and I'm confused on the whole relationship aspect because I might be into girls and boys. I didn't know if that was possible or not so I asked them." She was shy when she was telling me this. I wouldn't blame her I would be too.

"You asked them that?" I was shocked because I would never say anything like that to my mom.

"Yeah I did. I had too. It was an ongoing battle with myself internally. I couldn't do it anymore." She is explaining me to a tee.

"So what did they say?"

"They said that I'm too young to understand what is going on inside of me and that I should forget about it." She started to get choked up.

"That's bullshit," I meant to say that in my inside voice.

She smirked slightly and continued. "I agree, I think they were going to say I was too _stupid_ to understand so they tried to cover it up so they won't hurt me."

"Hum." I didn't want to offend her so I settled with a sound.

"Later on they took me to a doctor to get tested on my intelligence because my teachers would call them and tell them I'm not doing well in school and I might not even graduate. I'm not a genius and I know that but I know I'm not very smart either. Things come differently with me, I understand things visually and it just takes me a lot longer with certain things. But that doesn't mean I need to go to a doctor to find out my intelligence level. I'm a different kind of smart."

"You'd think they'd try to help you understand the way you're feeling, but instead they got you tested. What the heck?" I tried to put myself in the Pierces shoes, but I couldn't.

"Don't hate them for that. They did it to benefit me. Well I'd like to think so." She wasn't certain on her answer and it killed me. I want what's best for Brittany but clearly her parents didn't.

I didn't want to say anything because I had rage.

"But when we got here I went to a councillor twice a week to try and understand all of the feelings better-"

I cut her off "You'd think they should have done that to begin with instead of putting you through all that ridiculous testing. It sounds pretty pointless to me." I can't believe they did that too her. 'We just want to prove to ourselves that Brittany is just dumb and not gay' That's how I interpreted it.

"Santana its fine, trust me. Without going to that councillor I wouldn't have met you." She sounded so grateful.

_What?_

"What are you talking about Brittany?" She wouldn't have met me because what?

"The councillor checked in with my parents after every session and she told them everything that I was talking about. She gave my parents pointers on how to deal with this as parents and on how to make me feel comfortable with who I am. One of suggestions was to associate me with someone of the same sex and have them around more so it can help me understand."

_Wait. So the only reason they hired me was to benefit their daughter?_

I'm feeling hurt. Not because Brittany rejected me but because her parents weren't interested in me as a person and the job but only interested so they can help their daughter. Kind of hurts.

Something switched in my head, I didn't want to hear any reasons or excuses I heard the truth and that was enough for me to get the message I'm not welcome.

"Hum, so I'm being used...Fan-fuckin-tastic." I stood up and walked towards the futon to grab my stuff. I'm not being around a family that is just going to use me. _I'm better than this_.

"I hope you figured out all the answers to your questions _Britt._" Who knew this would hurt so much.

She stood up and just stared at me, the look on her face was hard to read.

"Since my job is done here I'm gladly going to leave with my services being used." I walked by her on the stairs and tried to make it up to the top.

"Santana stop. It's not like that." He voice was straining like she was about to cry.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around and glared at her. "Then what is it like? Britt you used me!" I started to make my way back down the stairs to emphasize my point. "You're not stupid Brittany that never crossed my mind once. You are actually very intelligent for manipulating me into thinking that this was real. So congratulations for making this possible." I turned on my heals because I didn't want to deal with this again.

She grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back.

"Don't touch me!" I pulled my arm away from hers and continued up the stairs.

I made it to the top floor of her house and snuck out of the door without anyone noticing.

I ran down the street until I reached the path way. Once I got there I broke down. _How could I be so stupid to think that this was real? Maybe I'm the one that needs to go to the '_stupid_' doctor._

I dropped my bag and just fell to the ground. I put my head in my hands and cried for a while until my tears were broken by a voice.

"We didn't mean to hurt you Santana." I knew that voice.

I looked up and it was Mr. Pierce standing there at the end of the path walking towards me.

"Don't come near me please." I don't know why I thought I still had to be polite to him but it just came out.

"Let me explain Santana, please." He was standing closer now.

"I don't think I need to hear anymore thank you though." I grabbed my bag and stood up to go to my house.

"If I were you, I'd hate us too. But you have to know we did this for Brittany." He was trying to reach out to me so I can understand.

That was it, polite Santana has left. I turned back to face Mr. Pierce dead in the eyes.

"First of all you know nothing about me, and I highly doubt you'd want to be me either." I took a few steps forward. "Number 2 if you wanted to be a good parent to Brittany then you should have listened to her from the beginning and you shouldn't have sent her to some testing center so you can think of excuses on why your daughter isn't normal."

He tried to speak but I got to it first.

"You're daughter, Brittany. Yeah she is normal; as a matter of fact she is more normal than all of us. She has the pride to be who she wants to be without shame and embarrassment that follows. She is completely normal for feeling the way she feels. I'm not sure how you were brought up or what era you were brought up in but sir in today society being gay is normal. And if that is what Brittany feels and is then you shouldn't look down on her for that, you should accept that she is being completely honest with you. So I advise you to listen to your children when they speak and not ignore them and their feelings. Also open up your mind on other possibilities in life because being closed minded is not _normal._" I spat the last word. _Gosh! Some people disgust me._

"You're right." Was all he said. He sounded ashamed. I don't blame him; he was being a douche bag.

I stopped and looked up and waited for him to continue.

"Santana you're right, we were the ones thinking Brittany isn't normal. She is our first child we wanted everything to go perfectly with her. She is our baby I couldn't handle it when she told us that she was into girls-"

I turned around and cut him off.

"Do you know how much courage she had to even open up to you about something as serious as her sexuality?" I paused to let that sink in. "Some people resort to taking their lives because it's way too much pressure on them to come out to their parents. Brittany on the other hand trusted you and Karen to accept her for who she is. But you didn't. Getting made fun of at school is one thing but when you don't allow her to be herself at the place where she feels most comfortable that is just cowardly." I really hope he knows what he did to their eldest child.

"I didn't want to believe it you know." He paused and took a deep breath. "I wanted to believe that it was just a phase she was going through and she will come out of it when she met the right guy." I just rolled my eyes because that is the typical thing parents say when they don't support their children.

"I'm sorry Brian but if you don't accept Brittany for being gay then no one will." I said as matter of fact.

"And that is when we realized that we will never have another child as amazing as Brittany. She embodies such great energy and personality we couldn't deny it any longer."

I just stood there waiting for him to continue.

"We want Brittany to be who she wants to be, who ever that is. So we moved here so she can start over again with no troubles interfering from the past."

I crossed my arms because it was kind of making sense, but what I still didn't understand is why she stopped kissing me? _Am I that bad of a kisser?_

"Karen and I didn't want you to find out this way Santana believe me. You are a great girl that is why we called you for an interview to be our babysitter. We liked you so much that we wanted Brittany to explore her sexuality with you. You seemed like such a level headed girl and you can hold your own and it's exactly what Brittany needs in her life. So please don't be mad at Brittany for this. She was just being herself."

"Okay...So you knew I play for the other team?" This situation is still fucked up.

"Think about it for a second Santana," He looked up at me. "Why would we hire someone the same age as Brittany to babysit her and her younger brother?"

"I guess that doesn't make sense,"

"A lot of things in this world don't make sense Santana and we just have to try to understand them the best way we can. I'm glad you found it in you to give Brittany a chance because when you're not around she doesn't shut up about you." He just smiled. I can see where she gets her smile from.

"Dad, stop it!" I heard Brittany. _Wait was she here the whole time?_

She stepped forward and her body illuminated under the street lamp.

"I'll leave you two alone now," With that he walked by Brittany and gave her a kiss on the head as he passed.

When he left I spoke up. "Is it true?" I wanted to know. I feel like such an idiot being a bitch towards the Pierces when all they wanted to do is accept Brittany.

"Yes it is. I was trying to explain it to you in my basement but you jumped the gun." She was scared on saying something that I would find offensive and lose it again.

"What do you expect me to think Britt? You basically told me that your parents disowned you and didn't accept you for who you were." I honestly cared about her.

"I guess I shouldn't have started with that, huh?" She pouted. _The cutest little pout ever._

"You think." I said sarcastically

She walked over to me and gave me a hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist and squeezed her tight.

"I just have a quick question." I said still holding her.

"What is it San?" She whispered in my ear.

I took a second to think of a way to word my thoughts and in those seconds we detached ourselves so we can look into each other's eyes.

"Why did you stop kissing me then left?" It was painful to remember the incident that just took place.

"Oh, that." She said now looking at the ground in front of her.

"Brittany seriously." I extended my hand and lifted up her chin so she can look at me. "Did I do something wrong?"

She just smiled. "Santana it has nothing to do with you, I honestly think you can't do anything wrong."

"Well then what is it?" My voice is softer now.

She took a few seconds to collect her thoughts and spoke up. "I was afraid that I was moving too fast and that I would be over stepping. But by the way you look at my lips sometimes I figured you wanted it too." She looked into my eyes and said. "And then you gave me permission to kiss you so I did. I just thought it would be way too much for you to handle and I didn't want you to freak out and leave."

I didn't say anything I was still unsure on what to say.

"I've had some bad experiences in the past Santana and I know I shouldn't compare but when you've been made fun of your whole life for being different it kind of gets to you in ways. So I guess I freaked out when I shouldn't have."

I just wanted to hug all the pain out of her; she didn't deserve any of it.

"Okay, I guess we were both at fault here. We should have talked about this before." _Even though that would be super awkward._

"So are we good?" She said with a smile on her face. _Typical Brittany._

"Yes we are." I returned the smile.

She jumped up and in my arms. It wasn't expected but you can't expect anything when you're with Brittany.

I love that about her, she is so spontaneous. You'll be doing something completely boring then seconds later you will be doing the opposite.

I guess you can say when you're with her it's never a dull moment.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I know I've said this before but Brittany and I haven't known each other for a long time at all. But you know when you meet someone and you just instantly click with them and you feel like you've known them your whole life?

Yeah that's me and Britt.

_Two peas in a pod._

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**Not the best chapter I know, I promise it will get better :) **

**Review my readersssss! **


	13. Chapter 13

_I __do not__ own these characters! All Rights Reserved to Glee_

_I __do__ own my imagination :)_

**I know I know, my last chapter sucked huge I apologize.**

**And this chapter is late, just got off of work and then had to quickly finish.**

**I'll try not to have another writers block, sure isn't fun. But I hope you like this one.**

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_Chapter 13_

After the miscommunication between the Pierces and I everything was back to normal, maybe even better than before. They don't have to hide the truth from me anymore that must be easier on them.

Britt and I went inside and Brian and Karen left us a note on the hallway table saying they had a bedtime snack waiting for us in the kitchen. On the kitchen counter were 2 cups of milk and a plate of cookies. _Hmm my favourite snack._

I took one of the cups and the plate of cookies while Brittany grabbed the other cup and opened the basement door.

We went to the basement and in seconds we devoured our snack. _This is so delicious, it hit the spot. _

From all of the commotion of tonight's events and from the week prior we were both pretty exhausted. We were already for bed so we both slipped under the covers and fell asleep.

I can tell that Brittany has fallen asleep because her breathing has changed and she is breathing heavily. I guess you can say she is slightly snoring. _It's cute._ I couldn't find it in me to shut my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

I just lied there and thinking about how I thought my life was bad, but other people out there have it worse than me.

I wanted to take away all of the pain and all of the struggles Brittany had to go through in her life so far. I know I can't go back in time and change anything but I want to make her life easy and for her to be happy. That is all I want. Brittany to be happy. _If she's happy then I'm happy. Simple as that. _

Then I thought about the obstacles that Brittany made it though and it made it into the person she is today and I don't want to change that. _That is the last thing I want to do._ Since I can't change the past then I will make a promise to myself that from this point on I will try everything in my power to make her happy.

Feeling content with my promise I finally fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and I saw Brittany looking at me. It startled me. _How long has she been awake? More importantly how long has she been staring at me?_

She smiled and said "Good morning sunshine," Her voice was sleepily and raspy.

"Mornin'" I grumbled back and hid my face with my pillow.

She just giggled at me. "How was your sleep San?"

I took the pillow away from my face and looked at her. She was genuinely interested in how I slept. _Where have you been all my life?_

"It was good n' yours?" I wasn't awake yet so I was shortening and slurring my words.

"Great, sorry if I fell asleep on you." She is still lying there staring at me with her beautiful eyes.

I rolled over onto my stomach and extended my arm in the process. So it is resting on Brittany's side. I wanted to be as close to her as possible without being too noticeable. This just looked like I was stretching or yawning. _ Smooth._

"It's okay, I fell asleep shortly after anyways." _It wasn't true but I didn't want her to know I was awake for a while after. _

"Okay good," she said rolling onto her back and now my hand is resting on her stomach.

Her shirt has slightly ridden up and now I'm touching the bare skin on her stomach. _Even her stomach is soft._

It was getting hard to breathe with lying on my stomach so I turned over onto my side, whist I scooted closer to her and placed my head on her chest. Shortly after Brittany's arm wrapped around my shoulder and hugged me closer to her.

We laid there for a while with her just holding me. I swear I could fall back asleep in her arms; this was super comfortable; possibly more comfortable than my bed.

It was only a half an hour later when my stomach made an audible growl that broke the perfect silence between us.

"Let's get some food in you," Brittany said not moving a muscle.

I just made a silent laugh because I didn't want to move but I didn't want to over stay my welcome so I should just leave before breakfast.

"Actually Britt I think I'm going to head home and spend some time with Carlos." I said still resting my head on her chest.

She squeezed me then kissed the top of my head and said, "Of course San."

I'm so happy she understands the relationship between me and Carlos. It's so important to me.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I'm walking up my street and I spot this unfamiliar car in the drive way of my house. _Maybe it's one of Carlos's friends dropping him off._

I seriously had no clue who this mysterious vehicle belonged too. So I continued up the path way to my house like I didn't even notice it was there. I opened the front door and walked inside. I heard voices coming from the kitchen so I decided to go and see who the voices belonged too.

I took off my shoes and looked to the left where there was another pair of shoes that caught my eye. They were black men shoes.

I placed my bag by the stairs and then headed in the direction of the kitchen.

The voices got louder and louder as I got closer. I walk into the kitchen and I see my mom standing at the counter blocking the other body in the kitchen besides Carlos sitting in his regular chair.

No one notices me walk in so I just lean against the fridge and listen in on their conversation. I can't see the person who this deep male voice belongs too but it sounds familiar in some way.

_Who is this random guy in my home talking to my family?... Who does he think he is?_

Carlos finally notices me. "Tana!" He says while he stood up in his chair and came running towards me.

He came running at me with arms wide open wanting a hug. I couldn't help but acknowledge him. I've missed him even though I've only been gone one night.

I scooped him up in my arms and spun him around while squeezing him as tightly as I could.

"Hey buddy, how are you doing?" I placed him firmly down on the ground.

I gave him a kiss on his head and then he spoke up. "Great Tana, dad is here!" He said excitedly while rubbing the place where I just kissed on his head.

"That's good." I answered without even registering what he said.

Carlos walked back to his chair then it immediately smacked me across the face what he said. "Wait. What?" I looked up and my eyes met the man that left me 10 years ago. He appeared behind my mother.

_Oh so you're the mysterious man that parked your car in _our_ drive way and placed your shoes on _our_ mat and the dude that is sitting at _our_ kitchen table._

Mother fuck. 

Everything instantly felt hotter. My hands felt like they were on fire; I could have cooked a marshmallow on them but completely burnt it within seconds. My blood felt like it was boiling inside of me whilst flowing through my veins to my heart; which was also smouldering to new heights.

"Hello Santana." He greeted me while rising to his feet.

I can't believe he is actually here. In. My. House. Get the fuck away from me. He is literally standing 10 feet in front of me.

_This isn't possible right now. He's not here. This is just a figment of my imagination. It has to be, has too! No, no, no, no, no. This isn't right. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!_

"Don't talk to me." I said in my famous bitchy voice and just glared at my mother. This is her fault! She didn't warn me, she didn't inform me on this _oh-so-random_ visit from him.

I can't let him back in my life with a simple hello. If you think it's going to be easy, think again bud. It's **not** going to happen.

"Santana be nice." My mom pipes in.

I am not impressed with her right now, so I'd advise her not to speak to me at this moment.

"You," I pointed to her "You don't talk to me either."

"You _will_ talk to your father." She added in. She clearly doesn't understand what my body language, attitude and my tone of voice means. Otherwise she would have stopped. But she didn't so will rip her a new ass hole.

I crossed my arms. "You will not tell me what to do." I took a deep breath because this still doesn't feel real, this feels like a dream. More like a wicked nightmare. "I will never talk to him _ever _again." I just stood my ground. I had too; no one was on my side with this. _Just me against the world._

"Just give him a chance Santana. People may surprise you." She is now very serious and slightly annoyed.

I yelled this time "10 years wasn't long enough, it never will be!" With that I stormed away.

I couldn't handle all of this. Too much for one day, too much for any day. I'm never going to be able to deal with all of the drama that comes with my father.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I'm hiding out in my room. I have been ever since I stormed out of the kitchen a few minutes ago. I didn't know what else to do or where else to go. I would go to Brittany's but she has motocross practice all day today. So that is why I'm sitting here alone trying to deal with this.

I've been sitting on my bed hugging the teddy bear I've had ever since I was born. His name is Molasses. (Moe for short). Moe is the only one that has been there for me though all of my problems. I know he is a friggen teddy bear but it is better than no one. _Right? _

I sat on my bed for a while in silence but I can still hear his voice downstairs so I had to drown it out somehow. I found my iPod in my bag and pulled it out; searched for the perfect song, and then I plugged it in and turned it up as loud as it would go. _Ah, what a relief so much better._

But he is still only a floor away, he is still in my house and if he wanted to he could walk through my door any minute.

I needed to find a way to get out all of my feelings so I went rummaging around my room and I found my writing book. On the front cover it says; Santana Lopez. Do Not Open. Inside it contained all of the songs, poems and quotes I've written. So I figured this would be a good place to express my feelings.

I flipped to an empty page and started to write. I started a few different ways and didn't like it. So I ripped them out and started again. Then I realized that this isn't homework so it doesn't have to be perfect.

_Today has been the best and worst day ever._

_At first I woke up to the most beautiful human being on this Earth. I spent the morning in her arms; she was holding me and protecting me from all the awful things from happening. _

_But once I left her everything went downwards. I came home to the __**worst **__human being on this Earth. (Such a waste of skin)._

_He. _The man who shall remain nameless because he doesn't deserve to be even mentioned in my personal book. _He was in my kitchen when I arrived home from Brittany's._

_Why is he here? I couldn't answer that because I didn't give him a chance to explain himself. Why should I? He didn't give me a reason on why he left 10 years ago. So why should I let him explain now? You had your chance and now it's up. No more second chances for you. __**Ever. **_

_I'm upset because of many reasons;_

_He is going to walk into Carlo's life like it was no big deal,_

_He thinks that it is okay to LEAVE and then COME back. Well it fucking isn't,_

_He wants to have a custody of me and Carlos,_

_He thinks that everything is peachy meanwhile I am forever in disarray because of him,_

_He is persuading my mom to be on his side,_

_I think those reasons are more than enough to be mad at someone. _

_The time that I knew my father he was addicted to alcohol and drugs. He never made any time for me or even my mother; the woman he said he loved to __death do us part.__ You could always find him sitting on the couch (on the same cushion, I swear his butt imprint was in it) watching sports, with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. I was sometimes aloud to sit on the cushion beside him and watch a sports game with him. _

_Even though I didn't know any better I still loved my father I still looked up to him and I thought the world of him. I always wanted to play board games with him or throw the ball around with him. But that never happened, ever. He sat there with his eyes glued to the TV 24/7. But no matter what he did I could never see the wrong in it. He was perfect in my eyes. He was my daddy and I was his little girl. _

_All of that changed when Carlos was born. This man that I looked up too and thought the world of left me. With no reason at all, he walked out of my life like it was no big deal at all. Like I didn't even matter or like I didn't even exist in his life._

_My dad did not only leave; but so did my idol, my hero and along my icon. I had no one there to watch sports with, and no one to deliver that ice cold beer too anymore. It's almost like he passed away; like he completely disappeared. And never came back until now. That's 3,652 (give or take) days without a father figure. That's all of the major highlights in my life he missed. That's all the father-daughter dances I had to dance with my mother. That's all of my accomplishments and awards ceremonies he neglected to appear at. _

_But now. But now he comes back after those 10 excruciating years and expects me to forget all of the pain he put me through? I don't think so._

_**Santana Lopez**_

I feel better, but I'm never going to be 100% okay with this situation. This has a lot of baggage attached to it and it's going to take more than a visit and a simple hello to fix it.

I guess I have to give him a chance first, but I don't think that is going to happen. I don't think I will ever forget what he's done to me I also don't think I'm going to be able to forgive him.

I just wish I could stay in Brittany's arms all day. Her arms are so strong and safe I felt like I could walk through no man's land and still survive because she would do anything to protect me.

She is exactly what I need right now. I hope her motocross practice is going well, but I also wish it was cut short so I can see her and be with her again.

Yeah it's only been a few hours since we've been with each other but no one makes me feel the way she does and I need her right now. I need her to help me deal with this because god knows I'm not strong enough to do this.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I must have fallen asleep because when I heard a knock at my door and it startled me and woke up. I didn't tell whoever it was behind the door wanting access into my room to come in. I just sat in my chair hoping that everything was a dream and I just woke up.

I lifted up my head from the desk. There was a piece of paper stuck to my face, I peeled it off and looked down. My book was still open with my feelings are splattered all over the page along with a pile of drool. _Fuck, so it wasn't a dream._

The person knocked again, and again and again. _Go the fuck away, there is a reason I'm not answering the door._ I figured if I don't acknowledge them they would go away. Wrong answer Santana, because they knocked again.

This is started to get on my nerves. I got up out of my chair and opened the door. Low and behold it was Carlos standing there. I should have known it was him, that kid is super persistent.

"What's up bud?" I said.

He just looked at me. There was clearly a reason on why he came to my room, continued to knock furiously and waited for me to answer.

"Want to come in?" I opened the door and he walked right to my bed and sat on it.

_What's wrong? I hate when he's upset. _I walked back to my desk and sat on the chair. I was just looking at him waiting for him to speak up. He didn't talk so I figured I had to.

"So want to tell me what's on your mind Carlo?"

He shook his head. _Ugh this is the worst feeling in the world. Why can't he be happy? _

I know when I'm upset I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. So that's what I did. I rose to my feet and walked towards my bed where he was sitting. He had his legs dangling off the side of my bed with his hands in his lap. I sat behind him and wrapped my arms around him and just embraced him.

He acknowledged me by placing his hands on my arms. I just sat there holding him, I felt him shutter beneath me that is when I realized he was crying.

"It's okay bud." I cooed in his ear.

That made him cry harder. _Good job Santana._

I figured he needed to talk but this isn't the right place for that.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The whole walk here was quiet. Carlos was still crying but not as much as in my room. I couldn't tell him to stop crying because that is just wrong. You can't deny anyone's feelings. So I just let him get it all out.

By the time we reached our spot I swear he should have been all cried out. But once we sat in our spots on the rock I turned to him and said. "It's okay Carlos," I reached over and held his hand. "You can tell me now."

He just squeezed my hand. He wasn't ready to talk yet and I'm going to respect that. I don't want to be forceful because we have this relationship where we understand each other.

"Whenever you're ready I'm going to be here." We just sat there hand in hand taking in the scenery. It was way too early for a sunset but it was still beautiful here all day round.

His breathing calmed down and he wiped his eyes for the last time. I just placed my free hand over his grasping mine. He cleared his throat and spoke up.

"I-I never knew h-him," He stuttered because you can tell he's holding back all of the emotions.

I can't imagine how he is feeling with all of this. I just want him to have a good life and not have to worry about anything. But this is huge and it could affect him in ways that it shouldn't.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I could of said; _it's good you didn't, I wish I hadn't you're lucky._ But I didn't, I let him try and continue.

"Do you know w-why he left Tana?" _Oh my gosh. How am I supposed to answer this?_

I looked down at him and I said "Didn't madre talk to you?"

He just shook his head. _Wait so our dad just showed up out of nowhere and Carlos didn't even know who he was? What a bitch. I was sure she told him._

"I don't bud," I took a deep breath because this is hard to talk about, let alone with my brother. "I wish I did, this would be easier if I knew."

He just sighed in his place. He took back his hand and placed them by his sides.

I retracted mine and ran them though my hair.

"To be honest Carlos I don't think he even knows why he left." I was starting to get choked up. It was bringing back all the feelings I didn't want to feel anymore.

He didn't answer me he just nodded and made a "Hum" sound.

Neither of us talked for a while. Both just thinking, you can tell the wheels were turning in our minds.

"Will you forgive him?" He said.

This question I didn't need to think before answering. "No." My voice was sharp.

"Why not?" Carlos is now looking at me with those eyes.

I sighed and said "Because Carlos. That's why." I didn't want to get into it with him. I also didn't want to be the one to tell him what our padre did to our family.

"That is not a good enough reason Tana." He tore away his gaze from me and just stared straight ahead.

I just shook my head. _I am not having this conversation with him._

"You don't know anything Carlos and it's not my responsibility to tell you. Madre should have explained everything too you before he showed up." I huffed out a breath of air.

"I think he is sorry." He said in a little voice.

"I think he wants to make everything better." He said in the same voice.

I just let him keep talking he seemed like he needed to get it out.

"I think he misses us."

"I think he is going to keep trying until you forgive him."

"Stop," I barely said.

"I think he wants to have us back in his life."

"Carlos stop." I said louder.

He ignored me. "I think he lives with the regret every day."

"Please." I pleaded him, I needed him to stop.

"I think he just wants what's best for us."

"Yeah and that is leaving us ALONE!" I stood up and walked out into the clearing. Why do I feel like my little brother is guilt tripping me? And why is he so smart.

I just stood there, my mind went blank and I felt like I had an out of boy experience. If this is what people mean when they say put yourself in other people's shoes. Then I felt it because I saw Carlos with an upset look on his face and my body standing there just emotionless. _Look what he is still doing to us. I can't forgive him, not yet anyways._

I turned around and sat on the rock. "I'm sorry Carlos, I shouldn't have yelled at you. This isn't your fault, it never will be. It's just still hard for me. I hope you can understand bud."

He looked at me then gave me a hug.

"I understand Tana. I just wish this didn't have to be our life." _Why is he so smart? He shouldn't be going through this._

"Same here buddy, same here."

We stayed there for a while just talking back and forth. I told him about the sleep over I had at Brittany's house. Subtract the fact that our lips touched and we cuddled and that we got into a little fight. But I told him about the movies we watched and the food we ate. He didn't want to hear the girly stuff so I left that part out for his sake.

He told me that he beat another level in COD and I was super proud of him. He has been caught on that level forever and couldn't get past it. And he finally did, so I was proud. I asked him how did managed to beat it and he explained it to me in full detail. Which buttons he pressed and where he hid to kill the enemies. He was a gamer that's for sure.

Why does my father have to come in between something so beautiful? I feel if he keeps trying to come back into our lives, the relationship my brother and I have now is going to change completely. I feel like my dad is going to win Carlos over and I'm going to be by myself once again and I don't want that. I want my brother for myself, just me and Carlos.

I guess we will see what happens. I'll just cherish the time I have with him as much as I can.

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